No excitement over baby

[Rainyday88]

Hi everyone. I didn’t know where to write this but I feel I have no one to talk to about it. I am 19 weeks pregnant with my third baby. I didn’t really want another baby as I have two children who are 10 and 15- I just agreed because my husband doesn’t have any children himself. I thought that once I found out I was pregnant that feeling would go away but it hasn’t. I don’t feel maternal at all towards it. I love my two children to bits and I’m worried that was this baby won’t be like them and I won’t like it because it has a different father. I am worried that if I go to the doctor or midwife about how I’m feeling, social services will get involved. Has anyone had any experience of this happening to them? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hi there, OP. We're just bumping your thread in the hope that someone will be along soon with some useful advice.

Also, we wondered if you might find some RL support from any of the organisations listed here in our Mental Health resources.

Best of luck to you, OP.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the bond with baby while pregnant. I really struggle to feel ‘connected’ or bonded to baby in the womb.. mine comes in part from suffering from Hyperemesis in both pregnancies. I just feel so poorly, that I struggle to feel any excitement or joy. I just feel pretty low to be honest & I hate pregnancy. Illness aside, I’m just someone who needs to meet my baby to feel that bond & love.. and I don’t think that’s actually so unusual! Just focus on the practical for now, the baby things you need etc.

I’d suggest worrying you’ll dislike your child due to a different Dad is a little odd, baby is part your husband who I assume you love? I think this is all just your anxiety over having a new baby & it not really being what you wanted.. baby will be different to your other children but that’s just because it’s a different baby born into different circumstances! And different genetics..

I’m sure once baby arrives, all your fears will be gone but personally, I’d talk to your midwife so they can keep an eye on you post birth. They aren’t going to get SS involved for a mum who is feeling worried about a new baby & not feeling happy about a pregnancy! SS is for when there are serious safeguarding concerns around a babies welfare. You are simply overwhelmed by a big change coming up in your life! You just need to talk and be honest about your feelings.

Sending love 🧡

Yes, I could have written this post myself 6 years ago!! I had 3 dc, youngest was just turning 5. I was excited about the prospect of being “child free” during the day and looking forward to increasing my career. However, suddenly ended up pregnant at 42! There was no way I could terminate even though it put massive pressure on my dh & me. I felt exactly like you, no connection and generally did not want this baby growing inside of me. I thought it would get better over time but it gradually got worse to the point where I was looking for places I could possibly just leave the baby after birth and run. Eventually opened up to my family about it and went to see my Gp who diagnosed ante-natal depression. I got fast tracked to a mh midwife who referred me for counselling. To be fair my experience of the mh service was fairly crap but I would suggest you tell someone earlier rather than later so they can try to help. I had my own room in hospital (which i had to request) as I wasn’t feeling comfortable around other mums. I was so scared I was going to reject baby. But do you know what? As soon as he was delivered there was no noise and I absolutely panicked, then he started to scream and a massive surge of protectiveness came over me. It felt very unreal. From that point onwards my maternal feelings kicked in and I’ve loved him ever since. I couldn’t see our family without him and my older children absolutely adore him. He’s made my world complete.
Go and see your gp. If you want to dm please feel free to do so xxx

I didn't feel excited about my second baby while he was in the womb. I loved my DD so much I thought it wasn't possible to love another baby as much. How wrong I was- when ds came I had the same rush of overwhelming love. I know you've had more babies than me, but I suspect it'll be the same! Good luck!

Sorry should have said don’t worry about ss being involved. No one got involved in my birth. I think what you’re feeling is quite common. A number of women suffer with ante-natal depression x

Rather than feeling overwhelmed by your worries, try and take each day as it comes. Sending hug