How the hell do you get past this?

[mordecaithomas]

I'm 24 weeks tomorrow and all I can do is cry about it.

I've suffered with mental health issues for years. For months I've been going along, living my life. Actually feeling normal. Then it just fucking creeps up on you slowly over weeks.

I don't want to admit that I have antenatal depression because I've fought so hard to stay away from it. It's out of my control and I'm so angry. The more angry I get with myself the more sadness and guilt I feel.

I don't want to go to anyone. People are sick of me and my mental health issues that I've had over the years. Everyone thinks I'm doing really well after last year. I can't admit to anyone that it's come back.

I don't want any of this anymore. I just want the world to stop just for a day so I can breathe.

How do you get out of this?

I know first hand experience how difficult your situation is. Scary as it is you need to talk to someone you trust and get some help. Is the father supportive ?

@mimipusscat No, he's far from it and I'm better off without. I know when the baby is born I'm going to be bombarded by his family for answers and probably contact and I could do without that.

I had psychosis with my last child. Now I'm constantly fearing the worst.

Do you have a midwife / nurse who you can talk too . U don't have to be alone through this , there are people who will listen .

Also pregnancy hormones can play havoc on you , it's nothing you should blame yourself for . Even if you feel like a burden by talking to your family/friends , if they are true friends they won't judge .

I had terrible antenatal depression with my first. Are the mental health team at the hospital involved in your care during this pregnancy. If they aren't then they really should be.

Yeah, I was allocated a specialist mental health midwife. When I saw her a few weeks ago I think she clocked something was wrong but I put it down to being tired. I'm also under the perinatal team. My psychiatrist called me yesterday and upped my medications but again I played it down and I don't know why I do it. I have to see her on 2nd September.

After all the previous mental health issues I've had, I don't want to admit this one to anyone. I want people to continue to think I'm doing ok. They keep praising me on turning my life around over the last year.

I also don't trust any mental health professionals from past experience and I don't think I can get past that.