It gets better. It really does. When I had my first I had so much anxiety, no one was allowed to hold him but me. But at the same time I hated what had happened to my body, my life, everything. My first screamed constantly and nothing I did worked. I felt like a fraud, like everyone else had this mothering thing down pat. I used to just sit there, holding him , both of us staring at each other. None of it came naturally, I had NO idea what to do with him and I was isolated with very little support.
He's in his teens now and he's amazing. Bit by bit I muddled my way through, some days were harder than others, but overall it got better. I adore him and I'm proud of the young man he's growing in to.
What helped me was finding parenting blogs that told it how it really is, but at the same time showed how to appreciate each stage my baby was at, how to be kind to myself and how to accept that this was all part of the journey. Forcing myself to go out for a walk with him each day was important, even if only round the block. Mumsnet helps too, even just lurking in threads and seeing what others are doing to naviagte this stage helps you to feel less alone.
Another thing to remember is, all mums are different, so don't compare yourself to them. As long as you're keeping your baby warm,fed,clean and cuddled, they'll be absolutely fine. They won't even remember this stage!
Also, some babies are just hard work! My third was such as easy baby. Approaching their tweens now and bloody hell, give me strength to survive this!