Not allowing myself to believe I’m pregnant/constant negativity

[Namechangencnc]

Hi all
Name changed for this as not spoken to anyone about how I’m feeling. Not properly anyway.
Pregnant with 2nd child. Much wanted and planned pregnancy.
Had previous baby at 35 weeks and think I suffered with a bit of PND last time without really recognising it.
Before 12 week scan I was constantly convinced something would be wrong. Ectopic. Missed miscarriage. Major anomaly.
I was noticing single magpies everywhere and still bloody am!! It’s like some grim sign. That sounds RIDICULOUS.
I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant and just can’t allow myself to relax. All was fine at 12 week scan but it wasn’t clear as baby was in a difficult position and my womb is tilted making it difficult to get a decent image for the sonographer.
I think that’s one of my worries - maybe she couldn’t see if there was anything obviously wrong.
I’ve just not been able to openly tell people I’m pregnant yet. Somebody I know asked yesterday if I was going to have a second child and I said yes maybe one day I don’t know why I gave that answer! It still feels very early even though I’m in 2nd trimester now. I’m hoping this feeling goes away after 20 week scan but I’m scared that it won’t.
My one big aim for this pregnancy was - due to my possible PND last time - I really wanted to bond with this baby antenatally, it’s really important to me. But I just can’t even entertain the idea at the moment.
Am I being stupid? Is there something wrong with me? I never thought I’d feel like this!

Hello,
I am 13 weeks +, but since week 8/9 my mood has taken turn for the worst. I have been considering termination as I can't cope emotionally!!! Like you my pregnancy is planned and welcomed!!! I think it's the hormones that play havoc with out heads. I had to start taking a small dose of antidepressants and I do feel a lot better. I was very negative and couldn't see anything positive about the pregnancy/baby or life. There is nothing wrong with you. Pregnancy is just hard physically and emotionally. There is a lot of support, so your midwife may be able to refer you for counselling. Mine has referred me to the mental health team in my maternity hospital. Good luck.
I try mediation and it does help a lot.