Wish I had had an abortion

[bumblebee39]

I don't want to look after older DCs anymore (want them to live with family while I get my MH better)
I also want this baby adopted
It was unplanned the result of domestic violence and rape
I feel very detached from myself, my pregnancy, my kids, everything
I'm not suicidal
I just want a long break and to not have 2 soon to be 3 DCs to worry about

Will this pass? Will it get better? Or is there a chance this is just genuinely how I feel?
Thanks

Aw bumblebee. I'm sure it will pass. I don't know your mental health issues but it seems natural you'd like some support to feel better.

Have you got a social worker I think you need help and Advil from your doctor, health visitor and also maybe a social worker?

I have lots of people involved including those mentioned and others including MH team etc.
I just don't know if this is my MH or how I actually feel?
Sometimes I wish my ex wasn't such a shit and I didn't have to raise 3 kids alone
It's a tall order and one I'm not sure I'm up to

yes it is a very tall order!! So are you going to let this shit of a husband define the rest of your life and are you going to stay a victim!! Or are you going to stand up brush your self down and become a servivor!! Take and ask for as much help as you can. Remember what does not kill you will make you stronger. I would think long and hard about getting you third child adopted it a very big step!! As for the other two you need to get yourself well again then of course you will beable to love and care for them again because your are there mother. Please have faith in yourself.

I am really struggling to see me being able to do that again. I don't want to let them down again it upsets me too much. Sometimes I can't bare to even hold them because they might get taken from me (his threats, SS involvement) therefore I think it would be easier to just find them a stable home where I or no one else can disrupt their childhood more. I want to know they are safe and cared for and I don't know if I can do that.
That's why I don't know if I'm being selfish keeping this baby. It has already affected my MH badly (the pregnancy) so I'm scared I am being selfish.
I don't want them to just continue a cycle of misery I want the best for them I'm just not sure that's me.

SS will do everything they can to help you keep you children you just have to work with them they are not the enemy they are there to support you taking children away is always a last resort. As for your new baby if you really think you can’t bring up another child then maybe you should give the baby up!! But please talk to your own family and your doctor and ss before you take that huge decision. As for your other two children they will love you to your bones and just need you to do your best please don’t let them go into in care system it’s not easy for children to get adopted as it is for a baby and they will just probably end up just being pushed from pillow to post!! Please try and get your act together for yourself and your children. You can be a servivor not a victim please please don’t give up on yourself and you children.

I'm not talking about older DCs going into care. I mean to find them someone to stay with so they don't end up in the system.

Has anyone else felt like this with antenatal depression but then started feeling maternal again?
I wonder if I'm missing the vital mothering part in me

I’m going to go against the grain here but if you are pregnant and it was a result of rape and you are genuinely not coping with 2 already then maybe the best thing for everyone involved really would be to reach out to social services and say you want to explore the possibility of adoption for your baby. It’s a very tough call to make but you’ve been through so much and a newborn into the mix might not be the best idea if you are dreading it.

Whatever you do, know that you’re not being selfish one way or another. I really hope things work out for you and that you keep posting and reaching out IRL for support.

I know I’ve only written about one option but that’s only because you’ve got lots of lovely advice and support from other posters, it’s definitely not the only thing I think you should do

It's not too late to terminate but I don't believe in terminating after 12 weeks and I am past that, I have seen the scans I would not be able to justify it that child is a baby to me now and in my eyes is beyond the point I would be comfortable with a termination.
I know some wonderful people who have adopted and just think it might be better for this baby to be with a loving stable family.
I know I will get it together eventually to look after my 2 without so much support etc. And that I will find a way to deal with my life again (I hope so I know they need me and are attached to me)
I just think I'm being unfair bringing another child into that if I'm struggling with the two I have. My older DC knows she's having a sibling now I kind of wish I had never told her. I don't want to disappoint her but I don't want to fail 3 kids by keeping the third and then not managing the 2

You sound

It sounds to me that it’s quite a few months to make the final decision about you unborn child!! Can your Mum & Dad or any of your sidling help you out with the other children in the mean time while you get some help with your depression!! It sounds like you have had a horrible time in a abusive relationship there will be light at the end of the tunnel things will get better. Please remember to be kind to yourself and do what’s best for you and the two children your already have Only you can make the big decision but just make sure you don’t do it because your ex has made you doubt your own worth and your ability to be everything you can be.

Oops sorry! You sound really together and level headed and determined to be a great mother, I hope you don’t mind me saying so.

I will be honest I have no idea how easy or difficult it is to have your consideration of adoption taken seriously, but if you already have social workers and mental health support workers I imagine this is a good step in the right direction. Wishing you all the luck in the world

But also yes I would say you have a good few months to get support in place and to get your mental health on track to a point where you can make a decision based on what you really want rather than on feeling at your lowest.

You sound very similar to other posters on here who've had antenatel depression. It definitely affects how maternal you feel. think you just need lots of support, you sound like a lovely, sensible and great mum. You can do this

A relative of mine had a baby adopted. The agreement was that the adoptive parents would keep in touch, and she and dp would be able to see ds twice a year - either at a contact centre or at a public event of some sort. So that might be an option for the baby OP.

And have you got any relatives who could care for the older two? You could help with cash to help maintain them.

Feeling a bit more positive just think I had a low with my MH
I am struggling with my DCs and pregnancy etc. But love them dearly and just think I need some more help and support
I am excited to be a Mum again but I wish the circumstances were different
I feel frustrated at my situation more than anything but I'm sure I will find a way through this
I was in such a negative place before and I am very up and down
I think sometimes I just feel very overwhelmed and like it would be easier to not be a Mum
But I am one I can't change that I am a Mum and I'm going to be one again

Mumsnet can you take this down please sorry I wrote it when I was feeling very down