Should I ask for help or not?

[Lightsong]

I'm not sure whether I should see my doctor or if I just need to get a grip, so I'm hoping you can advise me.

I had my second child by emergency c-section 19 months ago. I arrived at the hospital on my due date around 6pm at 6cm but had a placental abruption just over an hour after arriving. Cue lots of blood loss and panic, then I was knocked out with general anesthetic and my son was delivered at 7:30pm. We were both, thankfully, OK and my son was perfectly healthy. I had a de-brief with a midwife when my son was around 6 months old as I was driving myself crazy wondering what happened, where he was and who he was with while I was still under GA and why my body had failed so badly. It really helped me fill in the gaps and I thought it would help me let go, move on and enjoy my son's babyhood.

This is where I start sounding crazy: I feel like I am living in a Final Destination movie, like my son was not supposed to survive his birth and now every tiny little thing is out to kill him. I massively over-react to any little trip or bump, I am the living definition of a helicopter parent. Any time I am not with him, ie at work as that is the only place I go, I am constantly catastrophising and texting my mum for updates on him. I wasn't like this at all with my first child which leads me to think it's connected to the birth.

I have managed to keep up the appearance of being together for a year and a half but lately things seem to be getting worse, so much so that my partner is getting tired of telling me to calm down and let my son play. I am feeling increasingly out of control lately, I have burst into tears many times over the last couple of weeks for totally minor things. My entire work day is spent asking how my son is and working myself up to shaking and on the verge of tears over imagined disasters.

The other problem is that all of this over-protectiveness has obviously had an effect on my son. He wants me all the time, no-one else, his dad doesn't get a look in. We are still breast feeding which I would really like to stop soon but I have no idea how as he is still so demanding for it all the time. We still feed 3 - 4 times through the night so my exhaustion is also probably not helping.

Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

Hopeful bump

Hi OP, I didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry you had such a difficult birth but congratulations on your son!

I think it sounds like you're experiencing quite a high degree of anxiety. Some anxiety with a new baby is very much normal but it does sound like it's both gone on a while and is quite pronounced, so might be good to seek some support. I would definitely speak to your GP - and be prepared to advocate for yourself. If you feel like something isn't right, don't be fobbed off. You could also speak to your health visitor/children's centre to see what support they can offer. I struggled for a long time with postnatal depression because I didn't really realise I had it and kept telling myself to pull it together. Be kind to yourself. Wish you the very best.

Hi OP,

How are you doing now? I just wanted to send a hug. I have a 3 month old and living with the very worst anxiety at the moment. It's so so unlike me - I'm usually completely chilled but I feel like someone is standing on my chest all day every day. Im going to go to the baby weigh in clinic and try to talk to one of the health visitors there I think as it's definitely time to try and get on top of this. Could you do the same? I know your little ones older but can still pop along for a chat?

Hugs xx

My little one spent some time in NICU and I had some similar experiences.
Go and see your GP. What do you have to lose?
GPs see a wide variety of people with lots of issues. This will not be new to them.
Good luck.
x

Thank you for replying. I'm not sure if we could just turn up at baby clinic now as we haven't been since he was tiny? I think the last contact I had with the HV was around 4 months. Really the only people I talk to are work colleagues and I can't risk them knowing I'm still hung up on the birth 19 months later, they would think I'm nuts. I don't really speak to anyone outside of my family or work (except Mumsnet!). I think I might just have to take the leap and see my doctor before things get any worse.

I would start with GP. They will direct you to appropriate help if they are not able to provide help directly.