LJCJ · 30/09/2018 21:25
I am wondering whether anyone has any words of advice. I am having a difficult time but don't know if it's just a tough time or if it is more if that makes sense.
I have felt a bit overwhelmed since falling pregnant we had planned it however it happened very quickly which I am grateful for but admit I did not feel mentally prepared when it actually happened. I was adopted as an infant so my adopted mother in some ways doesn't understand all the changes I am going through and my birth mother who I got to know in the last few years died suddenly about three years ago. I live in a different area to my family and oldest friends so have mostly lost touch with the friends and rarely see the family. I am a glutton for punishment at work and recently took a more high pressure post which will be the case until I take my maternity leave. I have previously had depression and took antidepressants in a low dose for a while but have been off them for over a year now.
I am suffering from very painful pelvic pain which has been going on for a few weeks now. It was excruciating when I went on holiday recently and the whole experience just really didn't give me the chance to get away and relax at all. I am unable to do much round the house and husband I don't think quite gets it but is trying. I am not the best at communicating so can't put it all on him if I am rubbish at saying what I need but he isn't naturally domestic either! Everywhere I look I see things I haven't done yet and ways In which I am not ready for the baby. I feel like I have failed already. To add to this two weeks ago I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes which has been very tough. Feel like it is all my fault and I should have been more prepared and lost more weight before baby and kept a better diet. I can't wait to go on maternity leave and have considered that I may need to go on sick leave while I feel like this but feel like I would worry more stepping back from work plus work gives me purpose I don't seem to be able to find anywhere else.
This has turned into a bit of a random rant. If you got this far fair play.
Spent whole weekend moping which really hasn't helped just couldn't be bothered to leave the house much.
Spanglyprincess1 · 30/09/2018 21:33
Hey op. Congrats on pregnancy.
My baby is 12 weeks now and was sorta planned but a shock, I wasn't even living in the same country as dp. So I get how stressful it is.
I had bad pelvic pain in pregnancy. I found alternative standing and sitting helped rather than just being at a desk, speak to your employer and they should be able to make adjustments eg regular shorter breaks etc or maybe reduced hours.
I found pregnancy even worse than first weeks with a newborn so go easy on yourself. If you need early mat leave take it!
My dp didn't understand how difficult I found it and moaned I was struggling - he was being stupid n unhelpful. So really try to articulate how u feel n let housework slide if needed!
Vickister · 30/09/2018 22:01
How awful You must feel. When I was pregnant I was so paranoid about something happening to my baby that I wouldn't buy anything for the baby until my last few weeks. I also lost my dad when i was 4 months gone and I had weeks i just didnt feel like leaving my house. Your supposed to rest as it will be pretty full on for the first few weeks but your motherly instincts will kick in and you'll just naturally know what to do. I can't speak for everyone but I had many moments where I felt overwhelmed and not ready. I remember when my baby was a few weeks old and my neighbour asked me if I had my "oh my god mammy moment yet" when I asked her what it was and she just laughed and explained it's when you get the realisation that your have a life depending followed by feeling massively overwhelmed. Well i few days later it hit me and lasted a few hours but had my neighbour not told me its normal to feel that way i would of felt so guilty.
I don't want to make light of your feeling just wanted you to know your not on your own. Also you are in pain physically so it no wonder your feeling rubbish. Try speak to your husband about how you feel. I bet he has doubt every now and then too. I found aquanatal classes a good way to relax and helps with your joints too and bump to birth classes help me feel more ready. I wish I had better advice for you.
You've had a though time, do you think your feelings might be related to you being adopted?
LJJC · 30/09/2018 22:01
Thank you for response. I think there is such an expectation sometimes that this should be a happy time that I feel guilty that I am not feeling that way. It is really hard living in discomfort and pain every time I move. Docs did say I could take codeine but I feel bad for taking it as don't want to take anything that may harm the baby.
LJJC · 30/09/2018 22:06
Vickister it's hard to know. I do find it difficult as it almost puts a lot of pressure on as I have never really had a blood relative as such that I have had a proper relationship with and in some ways this baby has an added significance if that makes any sense. It is difficult that my adopted mum never went through pregnancy as I feel guilty sometimes talking to her about it and certainly could conceive telling her quite how hard I am finding it.
Vickister · 30/09/2018 22:42
There's good and bad parts of being pregnant but I love how your protectiveness has already started as you won't take codine. I also feel like there is a lot of mother shaming and people telling you how you should feel and it's the same in the first few weeks after. My midwife told me to use plastic plates and cutlery if it save me doing the washing up . You'll start nesting soon and everything you've been putting off will be finished.
You sound like a caring and considerate person so you'll be a great mother and at the end of the day all a baby needs is food and love and its obvious you already do love it.
Try do things you enjoy, it's all about you until the little one arrives. The very best of luck. X
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