9 weeker and feeling stuck - PND???

[Belmanlady]

Hi everyone, this has taken a lot for me to write down as I am worried I am failing, but I am in need of reassurance/advice or just some comforting words. My DS is 9 weeks tomorrow (premmie born 6 weeks early). My partner and I were very social people, enjoyed our own time, cocktails on a weekend and generally just doing what we wanted when we wanted. This pregnancy was planned as had MC 3months before I fell with DS. I now feel stuck, stuck that I will never have that life again, stuck that all I do is feed, change nappies, sterilise bottles etc and never have time for my relationship just the two of us. I miss it!!! I've spoken to him about it but he seems to be ok about it and feels I have unrealistic expectations when it came to having a baby. I am worried that it is PND, although at points in the day when I get jobs done around the house or am out walking/seeing friends I feel ok. Any reassurance/help would be appreciated.

Hi @Belmanlady I can really relate to this. I feel like I completely lost myself and so down like what have I done?! and also like our relationship had just broken down we both said it's like we're just parents now and nothing like we were before. I just became a robot doing the same thing everyday and I just felt numb. It's only recently I have gone back to work and joined the gym and she is starting nursery soon I just feel abit like my self again, she's just turned 11 months old. It takes time to adjust to your 'new life' and it's completely normal to feel how you feel so don't feel guilty at all! Getting out and about is important and it's also important to make also e time for yourself. This will pass it's still very early days and it does get easier, try and plan your week with things to do like baby groups and meeting friends. x

I felt this way with my first. It was a huge shock to the system and I was so lonely and bored. Felt like all I did was feed, change, rock to sleep.. ad infinitum. Newborns are tough and you get very little back (if that makes sense?) for the serious hard work put in.

It DOES get easier I promise, as they get older and start interacting a bit more it get so much easier and more rewarding.

Speak to your GP if you think you have or at risk of PND.

I understand too OP.

I felt the same way after having DD - she had a milk allergy and screamed all the time, and I spent every day longing for her to go to bed so DH and I could watch TV or just chill out. I loved her but I found it really hard being a Mum, especially when she was poorly. Once she got older it did get better - she's 4 now and is my best pal, though she still drives me nuts! She's just started reception and I'm finding myself missing her and enjoying her company a lot more than I did when we were together all the time.

We've also got DS who is 10 weeks, and those feelings are creeping back slightly. DH and I used to get a bit of time together once DD had gone to bed, but now we're too tired to enjoy it if we do! Plus, the monotony of nappies, feeding, washing bottles etc... it gets tedious. You're out of that lovely "babymoon" period where it's all novel and lovely, and sometimes it all feels like a chore. They can be hard work, particularly when you're exhausted.

I promise you though, it does get better. I have to keep reminding myself of this, but it does. Not straight away, and you might not even notice, but it does improve as the weeks go on. Apparently 12 weeks is a turning point for a lot of babies! You'll never have your old life back, but you'll have a new one that includes your beautiful baby.

The first few months are a slog sometimes, and some days you just have to push through it. If you have a nice HV then definitely have a chat with them, or maybe your GP, if you feel like it's not getting better soon.

Good luck OP

(Sorry for the wall of text, the app removed my paragraphs!)

@mincymoo124 @Greenmeerkat @CoodleMoodle
Thank you all so much, just knowing I'm not alone helps massively .
I had a rough patch at 4 weeks but this shifted at 6 weeks and felt like I was functioning (probably because I became used to the lack of sleep) but this seems to have come back with avengance. Once I talk about it and have a little cry I feel much better and will need to keep telling myself it doesn't last.
My partner and I don't get an hour just to chill, he works and is not home until 5, by this point dinner needs to be on, DS needs feeding and bathing and then by the time I've eaten it's time for me to sleep or I won't get any. I know I just need to accept that this is life for this short time and it will get better.
Cuddling DS tonight makes it feel like it's all worth while
Thanks to you.
No doubt I'll be back in a week or so with the same feelings haha!