Regret having baby

[Scaredandshattered]

Hey all ,

Let me start by saying that i really love my 6 day old son, when I look at him I am overwhelmed by love but then night comes and ... the regret starts.

I'm aneamic and lacking in sleep.

Currently lying in bed crying listening to him scream at my partner who's been trying to settle him for the last hour.

I want him so much but at the same time I regret losing my freedom, I regret making my partner have to deal with sleepless nights and I hate not knowing how to soothe this crying baby who just won't stop.

There is no point being diagnosed with PND as what will that do. Wont stop him from crying at night or get me to sleep better :'( in soo lost!

We've all of us been there, all of us who are parents. We've all had that, "What the fuck have I done?" moment, so you're really not alone. It feels desperate right now, but I promise you it gets better. You're tired, anaemic and feeling overwhelmed, your hormones are everywhere and your life just turned upside down.

It's OK to feel like that. I can't diagnose pnd from here, but do speak to your health visitor or community midwife about how you're feeling. It might just be "baby blues", a passing thing. Accept the support from your dp while you have it. I know there's no.point telling you to sleep now, but do try to catch up when you can. Don't bother about dishes or dusting, focus your energies on your new wee family, you dp, your baby and, as importantly, yourself.

I remember that feeling as evening came and DD was feeding all the time and wouldn't settle and we got NO sleep and I felt like utter shit.

But it passes. And sometimes it passes because we seek help. So tell your HV or/and your friends and family. And try to get some sleep sometime.

Newborns are really really tough. It gets better. In the meantime, napping (for you) is essential. Perhaps DH could take your baby out of earshot (for a walk in the pushchair if needs be) in the early evening so you can nap.

Sorry you’re feeling rubbish. I think a lot of new mothers feel the same - I did - and at only 6 days post partum it is such a massive adjustment you’re going through, while suffering sleep deprivation and recovering from the birth. It does get better - and I say that as a first time mother to an 8 week old! I spent the first couple of weeks in tears. It’s horrible, but not unusual to feel that way. I hope you feel better soon

He is only 6 days old, you are totally suffering with normal baby blues 💖 you're just getting used to your new baby, it's so overwhelming especially if he won't settle! I promise you it will get better and you won't always feel regret 🙈💖

Didn't mean the monkey face

Hang in there, it does get better.

I felt the same! I was shocked at myself because it had taken me 5 years and a lot of difficulty to conceive DD. I couldn’t have wanted her more and yet once she was here, and we were faced with a colicky baby who screamed for several hours every night, I wished I hadn’t had a baby. Then I felt so guilty because I wasn’t happier. Before she was born, everyone kept telling me to ‘enjoy every minute’ and there I was spending every minute nervous and worrying about the baby, or listening to her scream and wondering why I couldn’t make it stop.

I think the ‘enjoy every minute’ brigade have a lot to answer for. It sets us up for failure as it’s almost impossible unless you’re a saint or you get a magic baby that doesn’t cry, sleeps all night and comes with an instruction manual. Feel free to not enjoy large chunks of it and don’t feel guilty.

Now DD is 4.5 months, doesn't cry all evening, sleeps fairly well and giggles when I blow raspberries on her tummy, I am so much happier. Also, last night she was in bed by 7.30 and I had a glass of wine, watched something on TV and chatted to DH. For the first 16 weeks or so, that scenario would have been impossible and I did not realise how much that impacted my sanity - not having time to wind down away from DD was pretty tough. If you can get a few moments to unwind then it does help a lot.

We've been there... I've had one and stopped because it was so horrific, just know you're not alone

We have all been there op.
My son is 20 days old and I cried last night for an hour and my mom/ dp had to take him away to settle as I'd reached my limit. Sitting here now cuddling him and I'm happy again but that's because I managed to sleep.
Ups n downs are normal and love every minute is nonsense! What your feeling is absolutely ok.
Speak to people n get help, I did and I feel much more able to cope now that I have. I even took advice from MN and have snacks n juice/water in the rooms I feed in so I have more energy as eating Properly.

Oh OP. It's not just you, I promise. I remember with DD2 struggling SO much with the sleep deprivation. She literally didn't sleep ever and if my some miracle I got her to sleep then DD1 would wake her up. By about week 3 I was on my knees with exhaustion, having averaged about 1 hour sleep in 24 every single bloody day. I remember my parents coming over to take DD1 out to give me a break. I walked DD2 round in the pram for hours before she dropped off. I laid my head on the sofa and she woke up crying. I was SO desperate but I do remember thinking "if only I had sleep I wouldn't feel like this". It was true. Eventually when I got sleep I didn't feel like I had done and was so much happier.

Talk to your HV. Accept any help offered. Ask for help. Consider qualified help if you can afford it. Sleep when baby sleeps. This shall pass. In the meantime try to simplify life as much as possible.

Thank you all, your messages have truly helped ! Going to speak to my midwife about how I'm feeling, I admit that in the day I feel okay and he seems very calm but in the night is when my emotions strike as he is so unsettled but that gives me hope that this will pass :)

Thank you for being so kind everyone, I needed that support to know that I'm not a horrible mum ♡♡

Of course you're not a horrible mum, you're just being human! I'm glad you're feeling better, everything is worse in the small hours. :)

Just wait til you get that first gummy grin (that really, deffo isn't wind ) and even the love you feel now will be eclipsed. Makes all the shit (and there will be more) worth it.