Stepmum and soon to be mum

[VTGUK32]

I have 2 stepdaughters who live with us fulltime. They're 9 and 11 yrs old. I'm now 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby of my own and I'm deep in a state of depression and anxiety. I can't stand being around my stepdaughters and I'm not even sure I can love the baby growing inside me. I don't know why I feel this way but I cry day and night and wake up with my heart pounding at 4 am every morning. I've just been signed off of work for a week but what's going to happen in a week that will make me feel like I can suddenly cope? I feel lost, ashamed, guilty and hopeless. Maybe getting pregnant was not a good idea. Maybe I can't handle the pressure of a 3rd child in the house. I don't want to be one of those mothers who isn't capable of loving her own child but right now I feel like that's where I'm heading. I also don't want to be a cold isolated stepmother either, but that's who I am right now.

Hi Hun didt want to read & run, I'm so sorry to hear you are going though this

I think you should speak to you DP & your doctor who can get help you

I think you are just worried and scared but once your beautiful baby is here you will love your baby so much and be happy

But I think you need to speak to somebody I hope your felling better soon and you get some help xx

Hi V, I am a stepmum to 2 boys aged 16 and 14, and also have a beautiful little 16week old baby girl. Things are rubbish between me and stepkids, have been for years and I think me having a baby with their dad made things worse. This bit is going to sound horrid, but I don't actually care what stepkids think. There's no mutual respect and I doubt there ever will be.
However...I love my babygirl more than I ever thought possible! I never wanted kids of my own and never felt "maternal" but how things have changed in that respect. The moment I laid eyes on her I fell in love and allthough it's hard being stepmum to 2 monsters, and being a new mum is difficult and sleep depravation and PND kicks me in the fanny now and again, NOTHING beats the feeling I get when DD wakes up in the morning and smiles at me. There is a huge difference between being Mum and being stepmun, in my opinion. Don't despair...gummy smiles will make your heart soar, no matter what