I have been struggling a lot with motherhood and have recently started anti-depressants to help me cope. My baby was very unhappy for the first few months and they were hard. He is a terrible sleeper too. It's been difficult and I lost my temper many times and shouted at or around him. I know that's awful and I feel so guilty for it. I'm trying hard to be better. The problem is I seem to have lost his trust and I'm devastated about that. He much prefers dad and really anyone else in my family who comes to visit. He screams when I take him from dad or dad leaves the room. He doesn't hate me, as he smiles at me and we have fun once he's forgotten about dad. But in that initial time when he's left with me he is clearly not happy. Sometimes I think he looks scared. Is he ever going to forget that I scared him and trust me again? I'm so so angry with myself for spoiling our relationship. It kills me inside when he rejects me.