Helping my partner.

[TheCaringPartner]

Hi there,

It's my first time doing something like this so please bare with me..

I have two children my son is 4 and my daughter is now 14 months old. Over the last 5-6 months I've watched my partners mental health take a big hit. She's such a loving, caring person and such an amazing mother.. she is not only our rock but she is what holds my family together.. Everything I do is for her and the kids so this is where i struggle..

I've watched her cry.. feel unwanted.. know that she has two beautiful amazing children that she adores but can't stand at the same time.. she loves them but wants to be alone.. She's tired of the same routine day in day out and the kids wanting and needing her.. she doesn't understand why she doesn't enjoy them and it's breaking her heart and mine.

I've kept her ticking over for the last few months hoping that the feelings would pass but now it's coming to a breaking point really.. I feel useless as her partner because I can't give her what she needs.. I work all hours to provide a roof over our head and give her financially what she needs.. we can't afford a nanny so I'm at a lost end..

She has people around her but still feels alone.. we don't have many people that can help with the kids.. Gosh when you type it out it seems like such a mess but there's something I'm missing.. Or something I'm not doing..

I just want my partner to be mentally stable again and feel like herself and to be able to be the Mum she wants to be...

I'm sorry for writing such a long message.. If anyone has been in this situation please.. how did you get through it??

Thanks,
TCP

Hi

If you look at my other posts you’ll see I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety. It already sounds like you’re doing everything right. All I’d say is that my husband was amazing but there’s a limit to what you, as a partner, can do. If it’s not already happening you need to encourage your partner to do regular counselling. There will be things she feels unable to talk to you about, that’s the nature of depression. It makes you insular and ashamed. And, if this has gone on for awhile, she should strongly consider some anti depressants. I was very resistant to them but my doctor explained that it’s all about chemical balance and if you’ve been down for a long time, sometimes the brain can’t produce the serotonin it needs to get you back on an even keel, you need extra chemical help. Good luck and keep reassuring her that she will come through this.

Hi all, I'm really wanting some advice on my situation.

My partner has 2 children from a previous relationship which I love like my own, i was told at a very young age due to a medical condition that being able to father my own child was pretty much out of the question. After over 10 years with no Joy with my previous relationships I kind of accepted that I was infertile and would never have children of my own. This wasn't a big issue for me I just looked at it as "what will be will be" I started a relationship with my current partner around 4 months ago after being extremely close friends for years. She new my situation with fertility from before we were even in a relationship, our relationship was absolutely fantastic, I bonded very well with her two children and we just seemed to get on so well. However to cut a long story short my partner is now pregnant with my child (yes it is definitely mine) to start with we were both happy and although shocked we agreed that we would keep this life we had created. Up until the 6 week mark she was feeling fine just a little tired, after this point the morning sickness got so severe she was drained constantly and told me she wanted to terminate the pregnancy as she just couldn't cope with feeling so low as she felt like it was pulling her away from being a proper parent to her other children as all she wanted to do was sleep. I agreed to support her decision as I genuinely love the bones of her and seeing her so poorly destroys me. I have literally done everything I possibly can to support her in every way, running her baths, taking her children out so she can get rest etc etc. She then started to become very distant with me and literally seemed to hate me, she said I had lied to her about not being able to have children and now i have given her a child she has to abort and she has to live with that. This really hurts me and it has made me feel responsible. She told me that she feels anxious when I'm around her and she just wants space until she has her termination I agreed to do this although it's the last thing I wanted to do as I just wanted to support her through this difficult time. I moved out for a short time to give her space but then took her to the clinic for the abortion. Once she saw the scan she changed her mind and said it was all hormones and she couldn't go along with getting rid of our baby, she walked out of the clinic smiling holding my hand saying "i will probably have bad days still but I won't change my mind" she also apologised for being so horrible towards me and said she just couldn't help it. That night she went on to announce to family that she was sorry for being so hormonal and she has now decided to keep our baby. The following day she reverted back to what I can only describe as like depression. Telling me that she was sorry but she couldn't go ahead with it, the sickness was back in full flow and she is sick of having this child leaching the life out of her and she just wants her life back. She is also back to blaming me for putting her in this situation and has once again requested space from me as she doesn't know how she feels towards me. She doesn't want me at the clinic this time when she goes for her termination either. I am really struggling with this now and I'm just wondering if she will feel Like before after the termination or will she come back to planet earth and realise that an abortion was the biggest mistake of her life. Please don't reply with how you are all against abortion as this is out of my hands, I am trying my hardest to keep this together but I feel like I have lost my unborn child and also my partner due to her feeling this way through pregnancy. Any advice would be appreciated I'm hoping that this hasn't just happened to me!