Panic attack over horror stories
Hannabee123 · 24/12/2017 23:17
Tonight there was a Christmas eve family meal at my MIL house. My partners mum, sister and family were all there.
I'm 2 days away from my due date and as soon as I got there his mum was unzipping my jacket to get at my stomach.
I felt like a public display and quite frankly degraded.
Then everyone had some drinks and kept making comments about baby hurrying up (she will come when she's bloody ready)
Then as the evening went on more people arrived and his mum would draw more attention to my baby and then the horror stories came.
Everyone just flooded me suddenly with birth horror stories, kept telling me how I won't make it to the hospital, will give birth in the house without medical assistance, in the car, on the roadside... Basically every situation I see in nightmares. I kept saying I was terrified and scared but it wouldn't stop I was on the verge of tears.
We left and I cried on the walk home and then I went up to the room where I had a panic attack. I couldn't breathe and had to use my inhalers alot. It's been over 2 hours since it happened and I'm still feeling overwhelmingly scared, shaky and a little sick.
I don't know what to do I'm trying my hardest to calm down and focus my mind elsewhere. I've told my partner I don't want to see his family again before she is born I feel horrific having this much stress put on my body. I feel like I've gone into shock and can't come around
christinarossetti · 24/12/2017 23:19
How inconsiderate and rude of them. Anxiety is very common in pregnancy, and it can get out of control as you describe.
Try to take your mind off it by watching tv or something. And definitely avoid people who are going to stress you out.
What's the plan should you go over 40 weeks?
Bluerose27 · 24/12/2017 23:20
Oh dear people love a horror story, it's so unkind. Don't see those people again.
Could you go on to you tube and have a look for gentle birth videos ? Or something similar
There's an app called gentle birth, it has affirmations and relaxation tracks related to birth. Costs maybe £10 per month but might be worth it.
Look up positive birth affirmations on Pinterest and you tube.
Check out Ina May Gaskin, she's an American midwife who believes in natural birth.
Bluerose27 · 24/12/2017 23:23
Maybe posters could share their positive birth stories with you....
I went into labour very gently , Braxton Hicks got stronger. Went to hospital after about 5 hours. I had gas and air and baby arrived 4 hours after we got to hospital. He's here lying across me as I type. I'd have him again tomorrow , it was not a terrible experience at all, it was amazing and challenging. And he's a little treasure, I'd do it every day for him!
MountainVista · 24/12/2017 23:24
I'm so sorry to hear that. Your OH now needs to be gatekeeper for the next 2-14 days. Don't feel embarrassed into talking to anyone you don't want to.
Do you have a good relationship with your midwife? I remember having a cry at my 38week appointment after family decided their anxiety about my birth plan was more important than how I was feeling. For some reason hearing I WNBU from someone who'd seen it all helped me deal with it
Bluerose27 · 24/12/2017 23:26
Last message- Very few babies are born in the car, it seems like more because they're so reported but it's extremely rare. And my midwife at the ante natal class says roadside births by definition need no intervention, mum and baby are both healthy and ready for birth and that's why baby pops out so quickly. But it won't happen to you. And if it does, dry baby off and wrap baby up in a towel/blanket and have a cuddle. Don't worry about umbilical cord/ anything else, the ambulance people will sort it when they arrive.
You can do it and in a few days you'll have your gorgeous babe in your arms
Hannabee123 · 24/12/2017 23:28
There's not much of a plan in place my due date is the 26th and I have an appointment on the 26th for my blood pressure check as I've developed high BP and I have an appointment on new years eve for an overdue check up.
I think I will talk to the midwife on Wednesday my anxiety has been okay really I have been nervous about child birth but I think it's because it's so close and I had so many people so many horror stories and people painting horric situations I got so overwhelmed.
My partner is miffed but I really have zero interest in seeing his family ever again at the moment I can't relax
Callamia · 24/12/2017 23:29
If you’ve used your inhalers a lot, that will be contributing to how you feel. That will pass soon.
Your in-laws, however, are berks with no social skills. Ugh. I can give you two rather more positive birth stories (of my own), or just tell you that whatever happens to you, you’ll manage it. You will.
Get some rest, ignore your in-laws for as long as you like, and I hope things go well for you.
Quodlibet · 24/12/2017 23:29
What a bunch of insensitive arse holes! I'm not surprised you are upset.
For what it's worth most first babies take a fair while to arrive and start off pretty slowly with loads of warning so you have loads and loads of time to get to the hospital/get your home birth team around you.
ifcatscouldtalk · 24/12/2017 23:31
Everyone's birth is different, so they have no idea how your birth will be.
Also unlikely to be any of the scenarios they've put forward. It's really out of order to make someone so close to having their baby feel so scared.
Maybe try some relaxation or Hypno birthing tracks, can probably get something on YouTube. Concerntrate on you and your baby and think about the first time you'll have her in your arms.
christinarossetti · 24/12/2017 23:34
Good plan to speak to your midwife on Wednesday. If your anxiety gets too much over the next couple of days, call the delivery suite. Just talking to people who are experienced will hopefully help you get things into perspective.
Late pregnancy is a really stressful, worrying time. You're absolutely right to avoid people who are adding to it.
Hannabee123 · 24/12/2017 23:39
I told them I was terrified and scared numerous times I don't know why they thought it was a good idea to carry on and continue saying such things I don't know why they thought it was appropriate to scare a first time mum near due day
StylishDuck · 24/12/2017 23:47
There's an awful lot of oneupmanship when it comes to discussing birth stories I find. Please just ignore OP. The easy birth stories aren't as "interesting" so people don't tend to share them so much. If giving birth was so horrendous everyone would stop at 1. And I'm speaking as someone who is 38 weeks along with DC2 It can be intense but I never once felt scared or like I wasn't in control. Your body is built to do this and it will
buttercup54321 · 24/12/2017 23:57
IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!!! No two births are ever the same and people who go on about theirs usually exaggerate anyway. I was the same as you. My 4 births were all fine and the children are all in their 20's now.
You will be fine too. Congratulations on your pending arrival. Merry Christmas xx
Babybauble · 25/12/2017 00:03
Oh ignore them, I've had three kids and it's nothing like the scary stories your told. If it was nobody would do it again
Hannabee123 · 25/12/2017 00:39
I feel like leaving my partner I can't stand his family anymore
34weeksAndCounting · 01/01/2018 19:02
How are things @Hannabee123?
It is a very very stressful time for you and you really don't need other people's negativity to bring you down. I have suffered with severe anxiety in the past and am now pregnant with my 3rd child, you will have people around you who know what they are doing and help you control the situation once you're in labour, you don't have to deal with any of the fear on your own. Have you looked into hypnobirthing? X
bluebell1982 · 16/01/2018 12:40
Hello, I suffer with severe anxiety and panic attacks. I am currently pregnant with my first and I have always dreaded being pregnant and childbirth, so I can understand how you must be feeling, made worse by it being an unknown and feeling like it may be out of your control. The only thing so far that has stopped me getting worried about it is I simply just haven't allowed myself to think that far ahead - yet! I am only 9 weeks pregnant.
I had CBT some years back and one of the skills I learnt was to challenge your thoughts with the FACTS. And facts from reputable sources - not forums, not what your inlaws said! See if you can find NHS statistics or something similar that shows you how many births are actually straightforward and 'normal', delivered in hospital etc. I know there's the temptation with anxiety to think that you will be that 1% or whatever it may be who gives birth at the road side. But remind yourself that life doesn't wok like that - just cos you think it or feel it or fear it, doesn't make it more likely to happen. Also maybe ask your midwife to share her good birth stories with you.
I agree what the inlaws were saying sounds very thoughtless and disrespectful. Is your partner able to have a word with them? Maybe if they are made aware of how they made you feel they would be sorry. I know it wouldn't take the situation away but sometimes carrying the burden of knowing you've been upset and the guilty party not knowing and being 'protected' can make you feel worse. They should be made aware. I can imagine that their excitement for your birth got the better of them but that doesn't excuse their insensitivity.
Also please don't make any decisions about leaving your husband when you are feeling so anxious and emotional, your hormones will be everywhere. Try to focus on you and your baby, be selfish, put yourself first now, spend time doing things and with people that make you feel good about yourself, ask your partner to get on board with this. Good luck x
WillowySnicket · 16/01/2018 12:55
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