I've never felt so low

[GMtoBe]

I gave birth to my beautiful daughter (first child) nearly 7 weeks ago. I ended up being induced and eventually having a forcep delivery because she was in distress. I am still struggling with the physical recovery but that is getting easier. It's the mental recovery that I can't cope with. I feel so low all the time, but at certain times of the day it hits me really hard, like getting punched in the chest. I didn't feel like I was bonding with my baby at all to begin with but that is improving. I struggle to sleep even when she does. My appetite is terrible. I'm anxious all the time about getting ill/an infection and am terrified that I'll end up in hospital. I went to my gp yesterday who thinks I have postnatal depression and has referred me to a mental health service but it will be weeks before I'm seen by anyone. My husband and family are very supportive but I just feel guilty and a failure. I should be enjoying my daughter but I just can't. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom to help me get through this? Thank you for reading.

This is awful but happens to lots and lots of women - so many. You are not alone. You are not odd or weird or a failure because this has happened to you. I found CBT helped me massively. I know lots if people here will tell you that medication too was amazing. Take whatever, and all, help you can. You deserve it.

Don't feel guilty about feeling sad and anxious! Give yourself that break at least!

This is more 'normal' than you realise.

What is less normal is how brilliantly you have grabbed the bull by the horns and tackled this straight on. Fantastic. You are doing the absolutely best for you and your baby. Well done. It's brave.

Thank you so much for your reply. It's good to know there's an end to this. At the moment it feels like a dark tunnel that I can't get out of.

I'm trying not to feel guilty. It feels like I'm the only one but in reality I know that's not the case so it's really helpful to hear from others who are on the other side of this.

The gp offered medication but she didn't seem to know what would be best while I'm breastfeeding so I told her I'd try therapy first.

I totally get it. It's awful, but until I started therapy I did just try to remember that it wasn't going to beat me. Once I had a date for the CBT I felt a bit better and then it was onwards and upwards.

I'm sure you don't feel like going out, but another thing I did before the CBT started was join a mother's post natal class thing. It was essentially shite. I made no friends, we listened to the course organiser endlessly go on about her own child, yada yada, but I felt like it was my first retaliation against the anxiety. But basically, just getting out is helpful I think.

I think just realising that it's a thing - it's not actually you - was helpful. I remember saying to my husband that I could feel the anxiety circling around looking for something to land on. And that's exactly what it was like.

It does go away. And it's not your fault.

It's really common to feel the way you are feeling and it will pass. It is excellent you will be getting therapy. If you do want to find out more about taking antidepressants and breastfeeding look up the 'drugs in breastmilk' service of BFN charity. They have lots of information and you can msg them. They have information on the different types of ADs and their effect on breastfeeding. I took ADs for post natal depression and breastfed.

The idea of going to a mother baby group does appeal to me. The only reason I haven't is that I've been unable to be out much/drive because of pain from my stitches. I'm definitely going to give it a go now though.

I read your last post to my husband. The way you describe the anxiety is just exactly how it feels. I wasn't able to articulate it before.

Did you find you felt worse at certain points during the day? Early evening is my absolute worst time.

Thanks Marmot. I didn't realise I could look that information up for myself. How long did it take for the antidepressants to start working for you?

I don't remember being worse at specific times of day, although it did peak probably at around the point you are now - like a couple of months in.

I could have written your post. For me it was 3pm, no idea why but I would dread it.

I went to the GP at 5 & a half weeks, started on Sertaline and now at 8 weeks I've noticed a huge difference. I'm not myself yet but I'm sure very close. I can't recommend taking them enough. I was hesitant but they're giving my life back slowly and enabling me to actually enjoy my baby.

Keep talking to those around you. I found trying not to focus on anything other than the day I was in helped.

Thank you penguin. It's really good to hear that you've had a positive experience so far with antidepressants. I've got my first CBT appointment on Tuesday but am still considering antidepressants. If you don't mind me asking, have you had any negative side effects?