sorry if this is long winded, perhaps actually writing it out will help rather than me looking for some magic answer which i know doesn't exist. I have a 5 month old daughter and have post natal depression. I have had depression on and off for many years. I have no relationship with my mother or only sister. I felt depressed in pregnancy and my partner was going through a messy divorce and fighting for custody of his 9 year old, he gained full custody when she was 4 due to her mother being an alcoholic. I love my daughter dearly but i cannot cope with her crying its now at the stage where i am living in my flat and he is living in his with my baby and his daughter and i am visiting. This is making me miserable, guilty, suicidal and feeling like i have no way out. We dont have any outside support. I did contact homestart but they were very unhelpful, and i felt, judgemental, could be my paranoia. I know motherhood is so tough but i never imagined my life like this i dont know whether im coming or going and my partner just doesn't seem to have a clue how to help or even if he cares, im unsure? i am so desperate to feel anything like normality and enjoy this precious time which i feel is slipping away. I have a cpn who just keeps telling me to get out but i have crippling anxiety so panic when im in public. My gp just seems to want to medicate me which i feel does have a place but i am getting worse. I suppose im just looking for any kind of advice really as i no longer know where to turn.