Returning to work meeting 6 weeks after baby death... insensitive?

[user1485778793]

My employer has asked me to attend a kit meeting tomorrow morning to discuss my thoughts on returning to work.

I'm starting to think this is a bit insensitive considering it's only been 6 weeks since my baby died and my mat leave doesn't finish until June.

The meeting is 10am I'm tempted to ring and tell em to frigg off

I hope you can take some comfort from knowing your bravery meant you had those precious 10 1/2 weeks with your little boy. You did such a courageous thing!! You could have made a different choice but you didn't. And I hope your life was and will be richer for it.

Don't let your employers spoil this time for you. Just tell them simply it's too soon, that you'll contact them when you're ready to but for now not to expect you back before XX June 2018.

Oh you're so brave OP. Stay strong. And yes, I'd just brusquely reply...
Something like
Dear X

Thank you for your invitation to attend a voluntary KIT day to discuss my return to work. As you know I'm on maternity leave until Xx/yy so will not be able to attend. I appreciate that I will need to give you X weeks (I think 8 weeks) notice should I wish to return earlier than that. I haven't decided yet but will definitely ensure I give you the required notice prior to my return.

Kind regards,
Xx

No need to make things worse for yourself assuming you do need to go back to this job. But they're a bunch of insensitive twats. And potentially behaving mildly illegally although it's likely to all be couched as purely voluntary if challenged.

I've emailed and cancelled it, I'll probably sleep better now.

I resisted swearing at them and said it's too soon to think about it.

So sorry for your loss OP

Don’t go. There is no obligation for you to go. If you have mat leave until June there is no reason for them to talk to you now.

Decline the meeting and say you will be in contact nearer the time.

Also note, just for your information, that if your mat leave pay runs out and you have a decent sick pay scheme at work, it is an option for you to end your mat leave and go on sick leave for the same duration, just get signed off by your GP. It depends on how generous your sick pay is vs mat leave.
It’s something to think about so finances are not an issue during this already difficult time.

Hugs xx

I am so sorry for your loss user. I am glad that you have cancelled your meeting.
We lost our baby girl just over a week ago now at 27 weeks and everything hurts just thinking about her and how wanted she was and how excited we were about her. I know I am entitled to full maternity leave but I don't think I will take the full amount. My first inclination is to take 6 weeks and then see how I feel. I am in the situation where it makes more sense to get signed off sick then take Mat leave - so I think I will just see how I feel. My direct boss and the boss of the company have each contacted me to say that I should take all the time I need and not to return too early. This is massively appreciated and removes a burden that I really wouldn't have the mental capacity to cope with right now. I am sorry that yours have only added to your worries/stress/anxiety etc.

OP - it sounds like you're best off out of there for a while.

I'm so sorry about your little boy, it must've been so difficult to know he was poorly from the 20 week scan onwards. I hope you're getting lots of support to process this. I found SANDS very helpful.

Sending you