Traumatic Birth, 4th Degree Tears & Baby Blues

[MrsEvans88]

Hey so this is my first post. Sorry it's such a negative one, just looking for some hope/support/anyone that's been through similar... My birthing story was horrific to say the least...Ended up in induction for reduced movements at 39+3 which happened at 14:00 on Tuesday 5th Sept. As the midwife was inserting the pessary she said that my waters had broken and sure enough I was sitting in a big old wet puddle. Unfortunately though the midwife who was on day shift didn't tell the midwife on the handover who was doing the night shift about my broken waters. At 9pm that night I was in agony, I told the senior midwife that my waters had broken and that I needed to go to Labour Ward but she didn't believe me, and she said that the earlier midwife wouldn't have forgotten to pass that information over. I tried again and again to tell her but she wouldn't have it. I gave in but said I definitely needed to go to labour ward coz I was having regular contractions n was asking for pethadin or any kind of pain relief. Instead at 11pm she finally decided to check me and found I was 2cm dilated. She told my husband I was still possibly days away from active labour and sent him home. She gave me a shot of pethidine saying that's all she would give me for 24 hours, but it didn't have any effect. For hours I was pacing the ward, crying out in pain and begging for more pain relief. At 5am the midwife gave me two paracetamol and ran me a warm bath (not even birthing pool, literally was just a bath on my own on a ward!). In the bath alone with each contraction (literally 30 seconds apart) I started feeling like I had to push!! Managed to get out the bath between contractions n got to the front desk/nurses station and they were telling me I was over reacting- I was literally screaming at them "some one needs to help me I am going to have this baby right here". So they said fine we will check you again go and wait on your bed...no one came for what felt like forever and I rang the emergency bell twice and was ignored. I was on all fours on my bed crying and screaming the place down and a porter came and told me I was waking up the other patients!!! Finally they checked me and I could hear them panic...said I needed to call Mike (husband) but I couldn't even talk at that point and just dialled his number and gave my phone to a midwife who called him saying "you need to get here immediately" and sent me straight to labour ward. There they found that my baby was right down low stuck in the birthing canal and with each contraction his heart rate was dropping and not coming up again and needed him out immediately so they put a suction cup on his head to pull him out. I was in such a state by this point and mike still wasn't there n it's all a massive horrible blur now but all I remember is a lot of screaming and shouting and saying I couldn't do it but after just 9 mins in total on labour ward and with just the two paracetamol Logan was born and mike arrived four minutes too late 😓 Massive 4th degree internal tears through the perineum so had to go straight to theatre to get stitched up. They let me keep Logan on my chest while I was in theatre so he could suckle (he latched on at a funny angle and now I'm in a right mess with my left boob- blistered and agony and still trying to feed him with it now 😩) It was literally horrific but so glad Logan is ok. He's amazing! But I am a feeling massively battered and bruised both physically and emotionally. I can't stop crying all day, my stitches are getting more painful as days go on and the bleeding is still very heavy. Also I have lost bladder control and pee myself daily. I thought the bleeding had stopped last night so DH convinced me to go for a short walk with him and baby today to try and clear my head a bit, but after 10mins my stitches had started to bleed again and soaked through 2 maternity pads. I feel completely stuck. I don't want any visitors, I don't want to go outside and I can't stop crying. My baby is amazing, such a content little boy and I am head over heels, but I can't enjoy him or show him off. I stand to change his nappy and pee my self. Breast feeding is agony and so I've started to use a pump instead and combi feed. I have never felt so low or lost before. Has anyone been through anything similar? Does it get better? I just want to feel like me again, and DH is back to work next week which I am completely dreading. Any replies will be appreciated even if you've not been through this yourself xx

I'm so sorry @MrsEvans88 the whole thing brought tears to my eyes that is such a traumatic experience for you to go through and I'm not surprised how your feeling bless you. You must still be in shock I think it's disgusting how they have treated and it needs to be dealt with but not yet. Right now you need to think about yourself and your beautiful baby sounds like your doing an amazing job! What is your health visitor like? Have you been to see your gp since all of this? I haven't had a similar experience but I am due to give birth in 4 weeks also my first time. Take care of yourself Xx

Also maybe ask MNHQ if they will move this to postnatal health topic section. I think you will get a better response there it's a bit more active.

I am so sorry you went through all that. I would strongly recommend contacting the head of midwifery in a few weeks and asking for a debrief. You need time to process what's happened to you. In the meantime, you need some support - please talk to your health visitor and be honest about everything. Show her this post if you feel you can't talk.

I suffered a third degree tear and had similar issues. Mine was repaired, but the stitches got infected and I ended up healing badly. I had difficulty recognising when I needed to poo, because of the nerve damage, so I never had more than a few seconds warning that I needed to go.

I had lots of treatment in the year after giving birth, which ultimately ended up in a simple operation to refashion the tissue, and everything has been completely fine ever since, almost like I never gave birth at all. The continence issues gradually improved over the year. You WILL heal. It WILL get better.

Can your husband take some more time off? Unpaid, if he has to, if you can manage? If not, don't panic. I remember how overwhelming it was for me, but I got through, and you will too. Your husband needs to understand that this is his time to step up - he must take over everything else, even when he's back in work, so you're only concentrating on looking after yourself and the baby during the day.

I also had to stand for nappy changes, but what made the biggest difference for me was using the changing table we'd bought, but perching on the edge of a breakfast bar stool, so I was standing but also sitting slightly. Can you pick up a cheap stool and try that?

Don't feel pressured into having lots of visitors, but try not to fall into the trap of cutting yourself off either. Be honest with family. Let them visit and support you. Any work colleagues or vague acquaintances who fancy a visit can be put off.

Keep chatting to us on here. It took me a long time to bond with my son, but I did. I never thought I'd have another baby either, but I did! I had a c-section because of what I went through, and that will be an option for you too in the future.

Huge hugs for you. You're doing so well, even if you don't feel it right now.