First time Mum and struggling with my feelingsHello, I'm a first time mum and I'm really struggling with my feelings.
Lindypops92 · 14/09/2017 21:43
Hello, I'm a first time mum and I'm really struggling with my feelings. At 35 weeks I was admitted to hospital after having pre-eclampsia and they made the decision to induce. It took them one week to do this after using all three induction techniques (in the wrong order why is why it took so long) but there was a lot of waiting around as they were short staffed etc. I was taken up onto the labour ward and my waters broken. After hours of being in labour I wasn't progressing and my baby's heart rate kept decreasing which eventually prompted them to give me an emergency c section after hours of deliberation. During the c section the block failed and I felt everything and had to be put to sleep. I didn't get that bonding time with my baby and I woke to see my husband and my mother in law changing his nappy etc and I couldn't due to feeling unwell. I'm finding it hard now to bond with him and I feel so guilty about it. I love him but I didn't have that overwhelming feeling that people say they have. When he has really bad nights and doesn't sleep I feel that I've made a mistake. I'm feeling so guilty for the way I feel as he was planned but I feel at the moment that it won't get easier. I plucked up the courage to tell my DH how I'm feeling and he is supportive and says it's because I'm tired etc but to speak with HV. Just wondering if this is normal or do I have PPD? Thanks in advance.
happymama99 · 14/09/2017 21:52
It sounds like you had a very traumatic experience with the birth. You would have been exhausted even before your baby arrived. Not everyone bonds straight away so your feelings could be normal but you should definately see your GP if you think it could be post natal depression. Also accept as much help as possible from family/friends, life can be tough with a newborn x
TortiousTortoise · 25/09/2017 06:54
I'm really sorry to hear you went through such a challenging experience. Mine was very similar to yours though I didn't need the GA. I felt much the same about my baby as well.
That feeling of love and bonding does come. For me it was when I glanced in the rear view mirror to see her when she was 4 weeks old. It wasn't overwhelming but it started then.
It was my GP doing my daughter's 6 week check that spotted my pnd so definitely open up about your feelings. I denied and resisted help for so long which I really regret in hindsight.
Congratulations on your baby x
UnaPalomaBlanca · 25/09/2017 07:01
I'm no expert but your birth experience sounds traumatic. This can often affect you deeply- but the instant bond thing doesn't happen for lots and lots and lots of people.( think love at first sight with a partner- doesn't work that way for most of us)
Definitely speak to your HV- it can help to talk through difficult births and she may have access to counselling. Sometimes you need to process what has happened before you can get on with your new life.
It's hard being up in the night and tired all the time. After a bit you get a bit better organised and t gets a bit easier. Stick with it- the joy for me was definitely a slow burner!!!!
Lindypops92 · 25/09/2017 09:01
Thank you for your messages. They he really helped me in trying to understand what I've been going through. I'm starting to feel a bond with my son but I'm going to speak with my HV about some counselling or doing something to speak about the birth as it still plays on my mind. Thank you for your kind messages xx
Estee19 · 03/10/2017 17:20
I have pnd and my baby is 5 weeks old. I am on antidepressants lofepramine 105mg daily sonce September beginning bit havent seen any improvements yet. Anyone there who can gove me hope!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.