Feel like a bad mum

[Firsttimemama2017]

I have a gorgeous 7 month old baby daughter and I just don't feel like I'm a good enough mum for her. She is a very easy and well behaved baby in general but I just find looking after her full time hard work. Then I feel guilty for feeling this way.

I go back to work in 6 weeks and actually can't wait to get back to normality- but I feel guilty for feeling this way and not appreciating the time I have with my baby. I don't really enjoy playing with her for long periods of time although I do try and entertain her the best I can.

I felt like I didn't really bond with her for a long time and still don't really miss her very much when I leave her overnight.

Talking to other mothers just makes me feel like there's something wrong with me- no one else seems to feel the way I do.

Maybe I'm just too selfish to be a good mother. I just desperately want to make sure my baby is happy and feels loved.

I feel bad that I am looking forward to going back to work and handing over the full time childcare to someone else. I got drunk on the weekend and admitted this to a fellow mum friend who looked at me like I was mad. Now I feel even worse.

I don't even know why I'm posting this or whether I have post natal depression or I'm just cold hearted.

I want to be a good mummy to my baby so much but just don't know how.

I feel like this with my fourth baby. I didn't with my first three though so know for me it's not normal and definitely pnd. Having said that though it is monumentally hard work having a baby so that bit is normal whatever anybody else says. It will get better though.

The fact that you're posting on here wanting to be a good mum means you're not cold hearted.

I'll bet that you're a much 'better' mum than you give yourself credit for. Not every 'good' mum wants to do nothing but spend time with their child: I am a much better mum after I've been at work or away on a trip without them.

I also don't enjoy playing games with little ones (and at 7m old those are pretty basic games so it's hardly surprising you don't find them exciting). My husband is the parent who plays with the kids, I'm the parent who cooks/organises/tidies up for my kids. Different ways of showing love.

Dont compare yourself to other mums. Firstly, they may well be lying through their teeth about how much they enjoy parenthood (as you've found, admitting to not gliding through it as though you were in a commercial is frowned upon), and secondly, there are many many different types of parents out there: what works for one will not work for another, and both may be equally good ways of parenting.

How are you physically? Are you taking care of yourself? Could anything in your lifestyle be contributing to your mood?

Having said all this, i do think you should speak with someone (GP? HV?) to check for PND: you don't want to spend time feeling like this if you don't need to. But until then, please be reassured that not wanting to be a hands-on parent 24/7 doesn't make you a bad mum, and you're not the only one to feel like this.