i really am at a loss, i don't feel positive anymore. i have struggled through this pregnancy, myself and my baby's dad split up after him deciding he didn't want it. it was hard for me to decide what to do, but i just knew i could never get rid of it. so i kept it and fought through everything to be positive, to stay working and saving for my new baby.

now the baby's dad has been on and off, and at the moment he is now saying he wants to be involved and has said he'll give me money each month to make sure i've enough to get the baby stuff.

but last night i told my mum and dad this and they flipped out saying he's just using me and will end up taking the baby away from me. they have apologised for what was said and agreed it was in the heat of the moment. but things have just seem to stick in my head and i can't help but feel like i've made a mistake by thinking i could have a baby. and i really don't want to bring a baby up into the mess i feel like is here. i'm really trying to sort it out and i've tried to be civil with my ex, but now when he's making an effort i just want him to leave me alone. my other friend gave me a lot of grief the other day calling me an idiot and he "doesn't give a fuck"

i swear i'm just on breaking point. i love my baby already and i'm just upset i feel so negative right now. hormones are to play but i just want to feel happy again. everytime i try something happens and i'm back at square one.

i'm just really struggling in myself and just cry every time i think about the baby. 😢