Depression at 34 weeks

[charlie1982]

I've been struggling with quite severe depression for acouple of months now.
I don't feel like I have bonded with my child & am finding most days a struggle.
The past couple of months I have found myself turning to drink or cigarettes to cope which I can feel as making me ill.
I've been in touch with the Parenatal care team but find it hard to open up to them as embarrassed.
Ive gone from being the strong life & sole if the party that anyone can talk to, to someone who wants to barely leave the house.
My partner works away & isn't very supportive. I find he shouts at me a lot which just makes me even more upset.
Is this just hormones? An anyway advice any groups I can attend,
Thanks

You need to find a way to open up & talk....drinking & smoking isn't the answer...it isn't even a short term solution.

I felt suicidal last week, so badly I thought I'd do it....I've wanted nothing but to drink myself into oblivion & smoke until I couldn't talk....however regardless of how I feel, my baby comes first now & not me.

Please for your baby's sake, stop smoking & drinking....it's not healthy.

Yes I know you are right. I'm trying to just take everyday as it comes.
It's easier said then done to open up when you feel so low.
I spend everyday beating myself up about the effect I could be having on my baby.
Everyday is a new challenge & it seems to get harder

I wouldn't feel guilty about bonding when pregnant, most women don't. It can even take a while after birth. I'm on pregnancy 3 now and now I know what it's like to love a child its easier to bond with an unborn child. But previous pregnancies I was oblivious. He kind to yourself, it's hard for most to imagine the baby been real till delivery. Quit the drinking and smoking, it will make you feel guilty and could cause damage.

Thanks for the advice.
It's an extremely hard time. I find it difficult to talk to people that aren't or haven't been through pregnancy as I don't want them feeling sorry for me.
I'm very aware of the bad effects my actions (past) may have had on my child. No one can tell me more then myself how reckless I have been.
I now need to focus on the next 6 weeks being healthy & trying to get my head out of where it has been.