Struggling 3 weeks pp

[goldenpineapple]

Hi,

I had my baby boy 3 weeks ago. I've struggled to breastfeed as I had a breast reduction 10 years ago, I have a very low supply so am having to top up every feed. I feel so guilty and can't stop crying about it. I just want so badly to be able to give my baby what he needs and I can't and it's breaking my heart. When he roots and turns his little head to me and I've given all I can give it's the most emotionally painful thing. I know it's my fault as I chose to have the surgery, it's my fault I'm in this situation. I don't know how to accept it. Our feeding situation has been so stressful and complicated, he lost 11% (although was always healthy, good nappies, no jaundice) and from there it all went a bit wrong, I was told to only BF for 20mins max and then top up and I feel like it ruined the supply I had. I feel so useless. I can't stop worrying about his weight and if he's ok. My DH goes back to work tomorrow. I just feel totally panicked and so sad. I do have a history of depression. I don't know if this is depression, I know exactly what I'm upset about and I know if it could be taken away and I could exclusively breastfeed I would be OK. I don't really know why I'm writing this.

You are giving your baby what he needs. Love, and food in his stomach. Whether it is from the breast or a bottle, it doesn't matter, I promise you.

A happy, confident mum feeding him formula is so, so much better than an upset mum, panicking at the breast.

Are you still trying to bf? If so, disregard the 20 minute advice. Feed for as long as he deems necessary, even if it feels like there is nothing there. I didn't have low supply, but I felt like I didn't have enough for DD at that age. I did.

Finally, be kind to yourself. You are doing an amazing job. Please don't let this take over

I haven't anything helpful to add, just that my DH is going back to work tomorrow and I will be on my own with my 14 day old DD.

Also I know you want to breastfeed and I can tell from your words and tone how important it is to you. But...I'm bottle feeding DD for lots of reasons. Don't rule it out completely. My DD has put on 6oz in 14 days on Aptamil.