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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

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Original poster

Six months in and still not convinced about this pregnancy...

8 replies

GTS · 26/10/2016 23:59

So this pregnancy was unplanned. My existing children are at secondary school and starting over was never something I expected. DH is thrilled, although even older than me and whilst he does have concerns, could not be happier about being a dad again. I haven't bought anything for baby, mothercare makes me hyperventilate, and baby moving (frequently) makes my toes curl. I feel sick when I think about maternity leave because I love my job and well, honestly, I'm just crap at parenting, and the thought of all the sleepless nights makes me want to sob. I'm so angry that my DH pressured me into having this baby, and that he (STILL!!!) has not had promised vasectomy. I know it takes two people to make a baby, but I'm just really angry at the world right now.

OP posts:

Mouthofmisery · 30/10/2016 09:46

Did you consider not having it? I am in a similar position. Previous PND. Really scared.

Imnotmyself · 31/10/2016 15:25

I'm in a similar place, but not the same. My youngest starts school next September and the third one is due beginning Dec. I have not come to terms with this pregnancy at all. I knew before I did the test that it was a huge mistake and realised how finished with it all I felt. I don't know how I will survive the next few years. Early miscarriage last year made me think this was what I wanted. It is not. Also my sister had three and I was often told by my own mum how much better she coped 'without any support'. I have my husband to support me, and friends but no family nearby. My sister is in quite a different position (several close family members within yards of her house) but I fell for it. Now I realise - no I don't cope well - it's bloody hard work, working and looking after small children - but it's too late now. I'm signed up for the ruination of my forties.

Mouthofmisery · 31/10/2016 22:04

How far along are you imnotmyself?

Kione · 31/10/2016 22:11

Watching as similar here. I am 7 months and have a 7 y/o DD. She is my life and I was happy as it was but she begged, DP (quite older too) also wanted it so...
Expecting a boy, when I see DD's pics of when she was little I am sad we are having a boy and then I feel so guilty.
I have aldo been very very angry and missing my normal life and body. I also love my job.
I am hoping the hormones will kick in when he is born tho and that I'll fall in love with him.

minipie · 31/10/2016 22:16

A practical suggestion, your DH is now legally entitled to take leave instead of you or alongside you (parents have a year total to share between themselves as they wish) so you could go back to work as soon as you're physically ready and he could take care of the baby at home. In your shoes I would definitely be suggesting that.

Imnotmyself · 01/11/2016 10:36

I'm quite far along - due at the beginning of December. So short of a miracle I am having a third one. In my case the crazy thing is I always thought I wanted a big family, so I left the door open. My dh did not want more than 2 and given any get out clause would have happily taken it. Now I am the one who is literally dreading the whole thing. Weirdly at the beginning of this year I had started to give stuff away - not much but I had started. I was imagining the next steps in my life. I must have been further down the road of 'we are done and dusted' than I realised. I think I was already on that road when I miscarried last year, but the miscarriage wrecked my head a bit. Right now I feel like this is something I will be regretting on my death bed. I am missing out on the other two doing fun stuff because I feel so crap all the time, and the amount of fun stuff we can afford will be greatly constricted by the rising cost of childcare.

Ella64 · 14/11/2016 21:59

I'm 38wk and from the start have felt ambivilant. I feel my hormones conned me into this 2nd preg. My son 2.5yo love him but hard work and only just getting life back I think. I wasn't sure 're no. 2 until gp did tests and said may not conceive again, and should hurry up I want to try. Happened on first attempt and now I sti think it's a mistake. Feel so guilty. Don't want to give up more of me, my time energy, money.....scared will just resent child. Husband is just broody and excited and I hate him for that. He doesn't make any sacrifices for kids really :(

Imnotmyself · 16/11/2016 16:55

Yeah, I'm with you on the hormones. After the miscarriage I just felt desperate to have another child. What i should have felt was relieved that we'd had such a close call. As said my dh was never in favour of a third and now I'm facing child-rearing taking over my forties as well as my thirties. Doing CBT with Mental health OT but i'm sorry to say it's not helping. Now that I'm into the last couple of weeks I cry every day. I'm having tubal ligation after this one. My dh is no excited or broody, but is accepting of the situation. He's worried about me, but deep down I think he is also quite pissed off that I've persuaded him to go for a third without really considering how I felt deep, deep down. I totally gave myself to being a mum and now I feel I gave too much and the pot is now empty. I didn't appreciate you can stop at one or two and still be a hugely maternal person. So, Ella I'm totally with you , only I'm beyond ambivalent. I want this baby to magically go away. I've suggested adoption countless times, but dh is not in favour and tbh I'm not a huge fan of adoption generally - I think it's necessary in our society, but not ideal.

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