PND: I thought I was getting better but now I want to give up again

[Itsaplayonwords]

I just feel so sad and useless. DH and I keep arguing over silly things and each time I feel so worthless and that they'd all be better off without me. I just want to be happy. It seems like such a basic want but it's all I've ever wanted and it just doesn't seem possible.

Sorry hun. Have you spoke to a HV or GP?
They def won't be better off without you xx

I was prepared for this to happen as I had severe PND with my first and I didn't want to go back there so I made sure to ask for all available help from early on. I told the midwife the day DD was born that I was feeling low and she set the wheels in motion. I have been referred for CBT and I've had two appointments so far. I am taking a low dose of anti depressants which seemed to be helping. The HV told me I should focus on the positive and the last time I saw her she told me how well I was coping and that she won't see me again until my daughters 1 year review. I had enhanced care with the midwife and after a particularly difficult few days I told her how low I was feeling (this was over a month ago now) and she scoffed when I told her about the guilt I felt for my daughters premature birth. They forgot about my last appointment so I've never heard from them again. I just feel quite let down by healthcare professionals. There was one mental health specific midwife who I thought was great but she hasn't provided any follow up. I spoke to her on the phone one time and she was going to speak to a senior and get back to me, I've not heard from her again. There are only so many times you can bare your soul without getting the support you need before you give up.

Things will get better You just have to believe! That's what depression wants you 2 do give in please don't fight fight for your self and family! I had pnd with both my children ages 4,8 now have hope X

I feel like I could have written your post. Been diagnosed with pnd recently...DD2 is 4 months...it's taken me this long to admit me it but I've known since she was born something wasn't right. Completely understand the non stop fighting and I'm so irritable with dd1. Sending you hugs. x