Not sure what this is...

[socktastic]

Don't know if I'm depressed or if this is all normal? I have a 10 day old who is amazing but I'm feeling so so low. I have taken citalopram in the past for anxiety issues and can feel the startings of it again.
I'm so scared of being alone in the house with the wee man. Scared that he's getting too much food, scared that he's not being stimulated enough, scared that I can't put him down properly and scared of the lack of sleep I'm getting.
DH went back to work today - his mum was down helping out but now she's away too.
It's not the baby I'm scared of, just everything else!

DD is 9 months old and that I felt that fear when she was tiny. I think that I bonded fine with her but I found having a newborn overwhelming, and I had intense anxiety for a few weeks after her birth. When she about 10
days old I was desperate to go back to work so that I could go back to 'normal'. However it didn't develop into Pnd and I began to feel better soon, albeit with occasional periods of being stressed and worried.
In hindsight I wasn't really prepared to how big an emotional deal having a baby was and felt shellshocked, overwhelmed and alienated at first. However, I haven't had anxiety in the past so I understand if it's not a comparable situation.
My only advice would be to tell people how you feel OH, HV, friends, etc and ask for help whenever you feel that you need it. it's really common and nothing to be ashamed of. In my case it passed and now even when I'm really tired (she's an awful sleeper) and stressed I don't have that same feeling of panic. The newborn phase is so so hard!!

Sorry, also to say have you got a
Good relationship with your GP/HCP who helped you with problems previously? Could you meet that person and tell them how your feeling

Thanks plant pot, that's really reassuring. He's just so tiny and I'm scared I can't give him the care he needs, especially when it comes to feeding.
I was in a different city when I had my problems before but the doctors here seem really supportive and kind so I think that they'll be great should I need any further help. I would love for someone to wave a magic wand and get this wee man into an established routine!

I was desperate to get DD into a routine when she was tiny. I think that it was a way of managing the anxiety, because it allowed me to regain some control. However really all a newborn baby needs is comfort and food, if you had baby in a sling all day or sleeping on you and just fed him on demand (with the odd nappy change etc!) then you would be meeting all his needs, in fact honestly that's probably how he would be most content, stimulation etc etc are superfluous. Maybe try and let go of fears of 'caring' for him IYSWIM and certainly don't let other people advise your too much (as I did). You have to trust your instincts. As he gets older he'll let you know what he needs. I'm not criticising people who get babies into routines I can see how good they can be! But equally I spent too long stressing about it when really I should have just gone with the flow. You say that your concerned about feeding particularly, do you have any reason to be especially concerned or do you think that it's your focus of anxiety because of all the attention on babies weight when they're tiny? Again whether your FF or BF if your baby seems well, is doing lots of nappies etc then no reason to think that you're not managing. If your BF and think that you might be struggling is suggest trying to get to a BF cafe nearby, that's a good way to meet other people too.

I think I feel I'm doing a disservice to my baby if I'm not breast feeding. I'm finding it very difficult and the control freak in me doesn't like it because I don't know how much he's getting in each feed. He gets mostly expressed milk in a bottle.
I find the physicality of it rather difficult being heavy chested, I can't always see the wee man when he's latched on and it can take a while to get him on and happy. Even then he spends about 10 minutes suckling before falling off and wanting reattached 10 mins later. I have to say I find it rather soul destroying!
However the wee guy is putting on weight and he's happy and healthy.