Hi all, I'm going to cut a long story short here. Last year I had a late miscarriage at 23 weeks and lost twin baby girls. It was my first pregnancy and as you can imagine I was (and still am) devastated. However, a couple of months ago we decided to try again. I would have left it longer but I feel my age is against me (I'm 34).
I fell pregnant straight away and am now almost 7 weeks. I though I would be happy to be expecting again, but to my surprise I find I am completely and utterly depressed. I know I'm lucky to have got pregnant again so easily, but I have such mixed feelings...fear that something will go wrong again, grief for my daughters, fear that I'm carrying twins again and it just seems like the next 8 months is a long long anxious journey ahead.
I try to picture myself holding my baby, but part of me doesn't believe I'll walk away from hospital with my baby. I also feel really tired all the time, nauseous and irritable. This weekend just gone I spent lying on the couch under a blanket feeling sick and bored and depressed. This is not how I imagined things to be.
Will these feelings of depression go away when my hormones settle down? How can I get through this pregnancy being so anxious? I am having an early scan next week so hopefully that will put my mind at rest somewhat. Surely the chances of me having twins again must be slim. My twins last time were identical, not fraternal. I couldn't go through the worry of carrying twins again, I just couldn't. Is what I'm feeling normal? I'm afraid that something more serious is going wrong with my mental health than just hormones.