Pnd or just standard new mum?

[Fuzzyduck21]

I don't think pnd but wonder how others felt after having a baby.

I love my baby and feel like I've bonded with him. Being a mum is harder than I thought but wouldn't be without him. Most new mums I come across seems to be coping so well and some even planning number 2! I wonder if I am crap in comparison. I had severe anxiety leading to depression during my pregnancy however refused medication as was scared of further harming baby (was convinced I had hurt him with the anxiety and many ultrasounds - still am really). Anyway fast fwd 4 months and I'm very unhappy about the birth and how badly I coped with it, im low because I cannot bf as he had tongue tie and apparently I don't have enough breast tissue, I am still in my pj's as I can't find time to get dressed and I feel nothing like who I used to be. I wouldn't be without my baby though as he means everything to me. I just want to cope better for him and not be a bitch to my husband.

I feel bad as I am so disorganised I cannot coordinate getting out of the house in any less than 3 hours and, like today, I don't have the energy to even try even though I would love to go for a walk with him.

I have undiagnosed pelvic discomfort after the birth which is dragging me down. Seeing consultant in few weeks. They thought prolapse but apparently not.

Also for some reason cannot seem to come to terms with the fact that we needed help from fertility clinic to conceive and that others seem to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. Want to have another baby at some point but scared I won't cope and scared I will be shit at birth and won't be able to bf and scared gynae problem will get worse and depressed that I need to make an appointment to have a baby in the first place.

The sleep deprivation is really causing problems with my already fragile mental health.

Am getting cbt but don't know if this is the right thing. They seem to only focus on doing the things that you are scared of. Don't fully see how it applies and don't know if another talking therapy would be better. They try to get me go accept this is just how things are but I just can't? Everything keeps going round and round and cannot stop 'ruminating' even though apparently I should be able to. Is this normal?!?!?!

I would just say, be kind to yourself.

What advice would you offer to a friend? You would say that they've been through an awful lot and that being a mum is emotionally and physically draining.

Your baby has your love and there is no greater gift on earth than that. We women don't give birth to ourselves as 'perfect' women at the same time as our babies are born. so, yes, in many ways you are a bit crap and not doing as well as Jenny down the road but, know what? Me too.

There is no normal. Tell your husband you love him but you're hurting and need him to bring you tea and big hugs. When baby naps, run yourself a big bubble bath and be kind to yourself.

I promise, you'll get better at this because it's like when you first rode a bike. Remember how you fell in the hedge and thought 'nope, I'll never be good a biking' but then you spent all summer riding with your friends and suddenly you could ride?

Remember that and treat your wonderful mummy self like a queen amoung women. 💖