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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

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Original poster

7 month old won't sleep, i lost it

8 replies

canmom1234 · 02/12/2015 02:42

Hi moms, I'm kind of at my wits' end here. I have a 7 month old baby and he doesn't sleep very well and I haven't felt depressed per se but my husband and I have definitely had some tough times since the birth, but we've been doing pretty well in the last couple of months.

In the past week he, myself, my husband, and my older son are staying in my in-laws' basement in one room. Fast forward to 3am Sunday morning -everyone has been sleeping around me and my baby has been nursing fitfully for 2 hours, and I am in a semi-conscious haze. All of a sudden I was overtaken with frustration and I started kicking my feet at the bottom of the bed. Then I banged my fists on my legs. Then I got up and punched the bottom of the bed, and I really felt angry towards my son, so I turned around and stomped away as loudly as I could.

My husband was awake at this point and told me that what I did was really scary, to which I responded angrily, "you know what's scary? that I haven't slept at all tonight". He took the baby and I sort of passed out for about 3 hours, even though I could hear that he wasn't having any luck getting the baby back to sleep.

At 6am I felt a little more human and offered to feed the baby, but my husband was livid with me. He says I endangered the baby, that I could have killed him, that he doesn't trust me anymore with the kids, that he can't understand how anyone could behave like that, that I deserve to go to jail, etc. He is disgusted by me and wants me to do more than "try harder".

I feel completely awful. I didn't hurt the baby, I didn't want to hurt the baby, and I walked away when I realized I was losing it. On the other hand, I really feel like I was getting out of control, I scared myself and I don't know if I should trust myself that I wouldn't hurt the baby. I feel totally low and I don't feel close with anyone- the baby, my husband, at all anymore. I have been low on patience lately, but this is a new low for me. What should I do? I'd appreciate an honest response to just how scared I should be for my kids' safety.

OP posts:

Want2bSupermum · 02/12/2015 03:09

First of all you need to create a routine that suits you in terms of you getting a break and enough sleep. If your baby isn't a sleeper your family need to adapt to that.

I think your reaction would scare me if it happened to me. It would be a good idea to speak to your doctor about it because it could be PND, but from what you describe I think you are just exhausted and overwhelmed.

When I get tired I go to bed with the kids at 7pm and sleep through. It drives DH crazy but I don't care. I need to take care of me if I am going to be the best mother I can be.

TiesThatBind · 02/12/2015 03:25

I have been awake for two hours with my baby and feel unbelievably frustrated - towards my husband who is never around and sleeps through in the spare room when he is here, and towards my four month old who seems impossible to please (doesn't want to feed, doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to be put down and most of all doesn't want to feed).

I think it is normal to feel grim and upset and angry in the middle of the night when you are exhausted. If I saw my husband sleeping next to me I think might feel even worse. No great advice just sympathy.

If you didn't feel out of control, if you never had to stop yourself for doing something stupid then I wouldn't be too worried about your children's safety. I would be worried about your own mental health - your DH needs to step up and do more.

VimFuego101 · 02/12/2015 03:33

I think your DH needs to 'try harder' and help with the night times. I know you're BF but is there any way he can help? Trying to settle the baby without a feed (he might have more success with that since he doesn't smell of milk), or feeding a bottle of expressed milk late night or early morning to allow you to sleep?

As frustrated as you were, you didn't hurt your baby. You did the right thing walking away. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that there were many times when I had to put my son in his cot and walk away for a few minutes to calm down.

Rpj16 · 02/12/2015 04:00

Omg, you poor thing :( I think that's an over reaction from your husband. Isn't it normal to feel how you feel sometimes??

What if the three of you went to gp about this? I am pretty sure the gp would side with you - and explain to your husband that he needs to be more supportive at night. Only suggesting you do this of you want to give your dh peace of mind. Ive heard its normal to be angry with babies when frustrated and like you, good mothers can walk away to calm down. (Bearing in mind, this comes from.me reading 'contented mothers guide...')

Really hope you feel better. Really feel its an over reaction from your husband. Xx

Fugghetaboutit · 02/12/2015 05:37

I think you sound at the end of your tether. Have you thought about weaning to bottles so your H can do nights?
A 7 month old doesn't need to nurse for 2 hours straight - that's just for comfort and habit.

Original poster

canmom1234 · 03/12/2015 01:57

thanks everyone for your thoughts. i met with a counsellor today. she says it's not a super abnormal thing, though certainly not ideal, and that many moms get frustrated in that way. she wonders how come i didn't ask for help before i got to that point. my husband still thinks i almost killed the baby and am a danger to the kids. he is going to meet with the counsellor tomorrow, to speak about his side and perceptions of the situation. i feel very stressed out about it, but a bit better now i've had some people say i'm not a horrid person.

OP posts:

Want2bSupermum · 03/12/2015 02:23

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It really messes up my head at least and if you read through some of the threads on here you can see how common it is to end up in your position.

I hope the person speaking to your DH reads him the riot act. He needs to support you more and his reaction isn't helpful at all. Please do take better care of yourself. If your DH isn't willing to help out see if there is anyone in your family who can help you. Before now I've called my dad when it's all become too much and he has flown over to help. Likewise I flew over to see him with one of the DC when he was moving and he was overwhelmed.

lauramarieee111 · 25/02/2016 19:47

You poor thing, you are definatly not in the wrong at all for what u did, you walked away, you didnt harm your baby in anyway! You got frustrated and took it out on your bed, your husband has over reacted way too much! If you are a danger to your children has he now took over night feeds so you can sleep , cus no offense i bet he hasnt!
I completely understand how your feeling and can only simpathise as i am having a simular problem with my 7 month old baby and am looking for advice myself.
I think some dads (not all) have no idea what its like to do night feeds and
keep going with a baby who is also so tired but does not sleep. I have done every night feed since my daughter was born 7 months ago and i am lucky to get all in all 2 hours a night!
Good luck hun hope baby sleeps through soon!! Xxxx

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