Hello,
i'm 17 weeks pregnant, i'm married and in my forties. After 3 miscarriages and failed IVF with own eggs we decided to use a donor egg. i got pregnant.
Now i think i might be suffering antenatal depression. Or just depression, i don't know. I feel really miserable all the time. Short tempered. I am vile to my husband. Not in the least excited about the baby. I pretend i am because i don't want to upset my DH, or my DS (naturallly conceived with ex) who is excited about a sibling. But i'm not, I don't feel connected to it at all; I keep thinking: but it's not my baby. I'm worried that i won't love it. That i will always prefer my DS. That it will ruin my marriage because i will blame DH for wanting a child when i was happy as I was (because i already had one).
I think i was so focussed on getting pregnant i didn't think about what it would mean. That it would mean a baby that's not genetically mine. I know that seems really obvious, but i didn't think about it properly because i was so mad from the miscarriages, i just wanted to be pregnant. I don't really know what to do. I can just carry on being miserable and hope it gets better? It's just hormones?
I saw the midwife this morning and was going to bring it up but couldn't. Also DH was there - i asked him not to come but he insisted. It feels too personal (and mad) to say out loud. I can't really bear the idea of talking about it and i don't know how to explain that.
I would love to hear from someone else who's felt this way?