Antenatal/postnatal depression
unplanned & unwanted
Felicty16 · 07/08/2015 18:13
Please can I just say that anyone who is pro-life, not pro-choice shouldn't really read this / respond because it mentions termination and I am 10
0 pc pro choice - I don;t want a lecture about being a murderer etc. I know that some women have faced this and it doesn't make anything better.
I hope I am posting in the right place and really appreciate anyone who takes the time to respond - I have read a lot of the posts on here, but nothing really fits this same prob as this and i could really do with some impartial thoughts.
I am 32 and 15 weeks pregnant and have my 3rd termination booked for this weekend ... i walked out of my others because
- I want kids someday
- I was scared I would regret it one day and be on my own ( Boyfd is 100 pc leaving me if I have a term - he is 100 pc pro life and couldnt be more supportive or happier)
Reasons for still wanting a term:
- Unplanned, unwanted
- Boyf is moving to Nzealand (will leave me as I AM NOT going = I really don't want to leave this country to live anywhere else - I love it here).
- HE will 100 pc go - he wants me and the baby to go with, but i won't. He will not stay here for another year. trust me. apart from this he is amazing.
- I have a great career - another reason I dont want to leave London
- Every morning I struggle to get out of bed, wishing it would all be over - have even thought about running into a lorry - but only for a short time - stupid I know.
- my life right now - I am so depressed with what I am faced with
- Am a sufferer of depression
- Can't be 'bothered' ( i know! awful of me...) to look after a child right now...
Reasons I dont want to term:
- scared of never meeting another one like my boyf who is amazing - or anyone I will have kids / marriage with - I am 32, nearly 33
- Biological clock
- I do want kids 'one day'
- I don't want to destroy my r'ship with my bofd, but then he wants to go back to Newzealand anyway...
Honestly ... I have never ever felt so awful in all my life,
Saw the scan - felt nothing - dreading anyone else finding out -
most people know and are so happy - I hate it when the say anything nice to me about it.
I can't explain how low this descision making is affecting me, have a appointment with DR and counsellor etc... but nothing is helping
xx
OpenSandwich · 07/08/2015 20:46
Hi felicity, sorry you are facing such a difficult decision. I'm not sure what sort of advice will help you, but the choice is yours to make and whatever you decide will be the right decision because you are making it for reasons that are important to you. Talking it through with a counsellor sounds like it might help, and seeing your GP.
It sounds like you need to decide what is best for you alone, since your bf is taking himself out of the situation whatever. He might be a great guy, but you don't sound compatible at this point in your lives; if you want to be here and he wants to be somewhere else and neither of you can compromise on that, then you can't be together. But you are SO not too old to meet someone else and have children.
If you do think that going ahead with this PG might be the right decision if you weren't feeling depressed then do talk with your GP about that; there may be some treatments that could help get you through it. 
OpenSandwich · 07/08/2015 20:49
Are usually you on any medication for your depression or do you think it's linked to PG?
EldonAve · 07/08/2015 20:58
Sorry you are going through this
Your boyf doesn't sound v supportive tbh, it is ultimately your choice not his. Saying "I will leave if you terminate" is not supportive
Felicty16 · 08/08/2015 12:39
Thank 4 taking the time to respond.
I got myself out of depression and was finally having a great time ...esp when I met my boyf around a year ago. But this happened. And the last three months have felt like a blur... I was so looking forward to the summer too as I've just got my own place (Btw it was failed contraception)
Came off depres meds around a year ago.
I'm worried 15 weeks is too far to terminate ... its over my personal limit and I'm going to crush everyone around me with the news and I'm worried people will think I'm a bad person. I'm also worried I've bonded with this child already unknowingly ... sometimes I think what it will be like.
But I never wanted to leave the country and while the boyf might stay here for a couple of years he Def will be moving back to his own country one day soon and he's hoping he'll convince me.
QuiteLikely5 · 08/08/2015 12:52
It seems you want to terminate. Your time is running out.
How on earth he expects to raise a child with you if he's halfway across the world is beyond me.
OutOfWine · 08/08/2015 13:05
Can I just say that your bf does not sound amazing or supportive at all. An amazing bf is someone who listens to want you want to. I could kind of forgive him not listening to you about termination, as that is to do with someone personal morals, but when he is not listening about the new Zealand thing either then I think that makes him not a great guy. If you agree to it, you should be making joint decisions about where you live, and about any future parenting choices. So I think you should take your first reason not to terminate off your list.
As for the other reasons, it is difficult. Other people will have better advice than me on those issues.
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