Worried I have pnd

[Tink1989]

Hi all, I'm currently 12 days post partum with my first child. I'm worried as I'm not happy at all,I love my son but I don't feel like I have connected with him and I'm petrified about my partner going back to work tomorrow and am in floods of tears every hour.
I didn't have a straight forward birth (37 weeks induction, ended up with ventouse and a week stay in hospital due to ifor having jaundice).
I don't know what to do with myself and I'm scared to be on my own with my baby. I'm breastfeeding and he typically cluster feeds between 1-4am, my partner doesn't want to help with the nightly feeds once he's back in work as he will be working 12 hour shifts.
I feel so alone and upset that I'm starting to regret everything which makes me feel like a bad mum. My midwife doesn't seem concerned.

Feeling overwelmed is normal. Are you not happy at all? If things do not inprove definitely go to the gp or mw.

Not happy at all, feels like I'm under a cloud, getting to the point where I'm that anxious I'm being ill, it's not even 2 weeks post partum and I feel useless

Do you have friends or family around who could look after the baby while you get some well deserved sleep?

Tink, you may well have PND but it is too early to say in my opinion. The feelings you are describing are pretty much run of the mill for someone in your situation right now.

For me, having my first dc was the most life and mind altering thing ever, I was in shock and mourning for my old life for probably about a year! The fear of how I would cope when dh went back to work will never leave me!

I actually did go on to develop PND, diagnosed at 3 months, with another lot of it when dc2 was 5 weeks. But in those early days I think it's pretty normal to feel the way you do, without it turning into PND.

My advice to you would be, eat well, drink lots of fluids, make dh do as much as physically possible- unless he's doing some sort of job where it's dangerous to be tired, I would tell him it's not a choice of he helps with the over nights or not. You have to keep well in yourself if you're going to be any good for anything, he has to go through this with you- you are number one priority right now (assuming dc is healthy).

And ps- it will all be fine. I've hit my own personal lowest lows during those early new born days and I'm here to tell the tale (albeit with grey hair, bags under my eyes )

Ps I also had dc3, didn't get PND but certainly felt like you do right now when she was a newborn.

I'm hoping it's just a blip and nothing serious. It doesn't help that he's a very hungry baby, which is starting to take its toll on me, every 2 hours he's taking at least a 45 min feed at the breast or at least a 4oz bottle and looking for more

Sleep depravation is a bitch, can you get some support to be able to sleep for a few hours?