Suspected PND

[LittleLostSoul]

I have a history of mental health problems, I have been treated for PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I have, for the most part, improved greatly and was doing really well. I had been able to use the technique I learnt in therapy to get me through a lot of difficult situations over the last 2 years.

I recently gave birth at the end of April and up until the last few weeks I had a very straightforward pregnancy. I was then diagnosed with preeclampsia and had to deliver early.

The birth was quite traumatic and I was very ill afterwards. I was too ill to hold my son until about 5/ 6 hours after the birth. I had to stay in hospital for a few days whilst they monitored me. I found being in hospital tough, the nights were the worst.

I thought I would feel a lot better after I was discharged from hospital but I have slowly started to feel worse and worse. At first I wasn't too concerned, I was told about the 'baby blues' and thought that I would start to feel better soon.

Initially I did start to feel better but I have slowly started to go downhill again. I cry pretty much on a daily basis, I feel hopeless and overwhelmed, I get stressed and anxious when he cries/ refuses to sleep. I feel terrible admitting this but I don't enjoy being a mother.

I don't know how I am going to cope, it feels like I am serving a prison sentence. Don't get me wrong I love my son but I just find being with him too much. I just have no idea what to do with him, I don't feel any natural instinct all.

More experienced people will be along soon. But could not read and run.

Firstly a big, big, un MNetty . You are not alone in feeling like this. It is not permanent, this too shall pass.

Have you spoken to anyone in real life about how you feel? Sibling? Friend? DH/DP? Mum? It can help.

And can I thoroughly recommend booking an appointment to see your GP?

I had PND after both my DCs - you do feel rotten. And YY to the hopeless and overwhelmed. Your body and your life have been through an enormous change - and feeling like this is way, way more common than you may think. I went to see my GP, talked through how I was feeling and they gave me the help I needed. Once it was talking therapy. The other time ADs.

Just admitting to yourself that you feel pants is the best, biggest step to well done.

Have another

Oh, and can you get something arranged so you can get yourself a good rest and a decent chunk of sleep. Sleep deprivation alone is fucking awful

You poor thing. It's really, really hard, and when you're in the middle of it you can't see a way out. A traumatic birth plus previous mental health probs does put you at increased risk of PND as you probably know.

Have you discussed with your GP? It's best to seek help early and not just assume it will pass. (Don't do what I did and try to hide it for months - this does not work and does not help).

In the meantime - 3 things:

1. Don't worry about any lack of natural instinct etc. You love your baby and you'll be doing fine. No one has a clue what they're doing in the early days. It takes time and you can only learn 'on the job'. Newborns are unpredictable all the time.

2. This won't last forever. PND is treatable. Plus you've overcome anxiety and depression before and done well - you can do it again.

3. You probably don't believe 1 and 2. That's certainly how I felt. But one day at a time and you can do this.

Please see your GP. This is common and is no reflection on you as a parent. But for you and for your baby it really is best to seeks help and not wait.

Take care.