is this PND?

[Way2Tired]

i.. need advice I think. i gave birth to ds on 9th of march; 6 hours of agonizing labor ended with an emergency c-section.although i was dilated the doctor noticed ds was in distress so decided c-section. first day in the hospital they put him on my breast and nothing came out. 0. i broke apart. i had hoped for 9 months to bf my son and i failed him in the first day of his life.mu husband spent the first night in the hospital with us and looked after DS while i was recovering. the whole 10 days i spent in the hospital were long and scary. dont get me wrong : DS is in great health, had all his vaccines, hes well fed and clean and all of that. but i can not stop feeling totally unprepared , inadequate and not good enough for him. every time he cries and i cant figure out why i feel so so guilty :( every time he squirms in my arms i worry i am doing something wrong and feel guilty. basically... thats about 75% of the time. or more. DH is a natural, hands on and all that, but I cant stop feeling like im not ready for this. i keep crying a lot ( and i`m not the crying type), and the fact that my milk supply practically went close to 0 when we left the hospital has added to my reasons for crying. i feel miserable and useless and i dont know how to get out of this state. i dont know if this is jsut hormones or I am really not good enough to be DS's mom :(

Bumping this for you
Am sure someone with experience will be able to help soon

I had PND and a lot of what you are saying sounds very familiar.
I spoke to my GP and I am on anti depressants now and feel so much better. Do you think you could go see your GP or talk to your health visitor?

My DIL who is a HV and deals with this sort of thing all the time, says that PND isn't usually diagnosed until six weeks. However you sound pretty desperate to me. I think you need to see your GP and tell her/ him how you feel before the situation escalates.

PND is extremly common and nothing at all to be ashamed of and the DRs will have seen and heard it all, before.
When you get a diagnosis you need to be practical. It may be likely that you will be prescribed sleeping tablets which mean that you will not be able to Breast feed during the night or the first feed in the morning. However you can get an electric pump and express some milk for your husband to feed the baby with. Your HV will be able to advise where to get one. Or feed the baby formulae. Hundreds and thousands of babies have been fed on formulae and survived.
Just don't feel guilty
Contact ' Homestart' they give practical help for women in your position. They will wash up or put washing on or just comfort you. Your HV will know their contact details.
Hopefully you will receive some counselling and group Theraphy.

I know all this stuff as one of my DILs had bad PND and I went to live with her and my son for a couple of months. She was desperate not give up breastfeeding, but had to relinquish the night feeds. The baby is very well now and she has bonded with her.

When I went to live with them, she had told my son that she was frightened of the baby and she felt she wished she hadn't been born. She also feels now that she has let everyone down and is still full as guilt. Poor thing, as I am convinced it is was just bad luck, as no one knows why it happens.

So chin up waytotired you have gone through a very difficult experience, but you are going to get well, and get through this. BUT NOT ALONE! GO AND GET HELP, ASAP.
Lots of hugs.

It's definitely not that you are 'not a good enough mum' You sound like a loving wonderful mum.

Do you have a nice GP? I went with suspected PND and it was a questionnaire and a chat. Nothing to fear at all.

Some symptoms of PND are -
You may feel:
Miserable most of the time and especially bad in the mornings and/or evenings
That life is not worth living and you have nothing to look forward to
Guilty and very ready to blame yourself
Irritable, snapping at your husband or other children
Tearful
Constantly exhausted, yet unable to sleep
Unable to enjoy yourself
That you have lost your sense of humour
You can't cope; things easily get on top of you
Terribly anxious about your baby and constantly seeking reassurance from health professionals
Worried about your own health, perhaps frightened that you have a serious illness
Unable to concentrate on anything
That your baby is a stranger and not really yours
You may also have:
Loss of sex drive
Low energy levels
Severe mood swings
Problems with memory
Difficulty making decisions
No appetite OR be comfort eating and gaining weight
Disturbed sleep, including early morning wakefulness
Difficulty getting out of bed in the morning
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