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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

Any help/advice/anything?

3 replies

dy14 · 10/03/2015 18:33

I am expecting my third child in May. This was completely not planned I am 28w and I have known since about 5weeks pregnant! I am quite young myself I am only 23. - I still haven't really 'announced' im pregnant although I have a bump and I am to shy to get my bump out. I always wear my feather down coat when out and scarf (its also quite cold) and I just cant bring myself to accept that I am and wear clothing that shows I am I feel as if I need to hide it. I haven't really spoken to anyone about this I think its just getting worse the bigger I get. im ok to talk about it with my kids (DS1 4 n half & DS2 19months) and my partner somtimes but I dont really mention it to be honest. I cant help but feel so unattractive and feel like there's no way of looking o.k. I live in a two bedroom flat and cant afford a 3 bed just now and I feel cramped as it is. my boys are so good well behaved and so loving I am so grateful for them they make me so happy and watching them togeather makes so happy but I am worried what a third will do or how I will cope? or how my other two will cope? I have been so busy with my two boys and working that I dont really do anything for myself or with my partner! I often get really jealous of seeing my friends or others doing things id like to do or seeing other couples going holidays or breaks away or looking so happy and they have kids aswell. Im not sure what I can do .. or if its natural as a unplanned pregnancy to feel like this? I also had quite long labours with blood transfusions and retained placenta with DS1 and DS2 3rd degree tears and iron levels extremely low I needed IV iron. I have elected for section this time but I feel everythings going far to fast im just not ready yet Sad

OP posts:
dy14 · 10/03/2015 18:49

Sorry for the long post! Shock

OP posts:
dy14 · 14/03/2015 15:07

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OP posts:
Heartofgold25 · 20/03/2015 08:39

Of course you will be worried, and the logistical reasons you mentioned are valid. Space etc. The baby is tiny and will stay tiny for quite some time, so there is always a chance that at some point you can move into somewhere larger.
Pregnancy could be an opportunity to really invest in yourself, you sound exhausted and worn out to me. I think now is the time to start to make time for yourself, you sound like a wonderful mother who really works hard to keep her children happy and well, but you also need to look after yourself.

Finances are clearly important, but could you start with warm baths and candles, and massages your husband could do them for you every night that time is just for you and for him. Join a weekly pilates class to meet other new mothers and also to enjoy looking after your body and your bump as it grows.
Perhaps going out for long walks on your own, would clear your mind and give you some space.
It sounds like you are still in shock finding out you were expecting again, and so possibly you need more time before announcing it to everyone around you, but when you do make sure you do so positively. I think you will be surprised how many people will be delighted for you. Pregnant women are truly beautiful, at their best, but you will never feel that way unless you start to really prioritise yourself.
I did go through a stage in my life like this, and once I started eating well, making time to relax, to spend with friends. I felt A LOT better. Can you not treat yourself to something beautiful to wear, or even a blow dry? Or both?

Being a good mother means looking after ourselves. Truly it does. So go to the hairdresser, go and buy a flattering maternity dress, and enjoy your day and book a film with some friends one evening. Talk to your husband and GP if you feel any worse. Good luck!

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