Horrible thoughts about my unborn baby. Please help.

[mkunga100]

I'm around 7 months pregnant with DC5. It's been a tough year and the pregnancy was unplanned. DC4 is less than a year old and has a lot of additional health needs/time in hospital etc.

I've been diagnosed with PND and am going to a counselling group which helps a bit. GP reluctant to prescribe anti Ds as I'm pregnant and still breastfeeding.

I'd been feeling a bit better until I saw a really horrible image on Fb which revolted me. Since then I've been unable to stop thinking about it and somehow I've convinced myself that my baby will look like this image.

I can't eat or sleep and just obsess about it constantly :( I'm so worried it will affect my bonding with the baby particularly as I struggled with the idea of another baby when I found out I was pregnant.

Does anyone have any suggestions of something I can do which might help me?

Thanks in advance.

You need to speak to your midwife about how you feel and also your gp.

Discuss medication again, or ask whether your local hospital has a mental health midwife, who'd be able to provide you with the proper support.

Although I've not experienced what you've described,
I had terrible anxiety during my last pregnancy and felt like I was emotionally in turmoil. The demands your body are going through are huge, but all this will settle down once you feel back in control.

You are not alone in feeling like this and please get the help you deserve.

Sending you lots of hugs.

Intrusive thoughts are understandable when you are feeling so vulnerable. It doesn't have to be this way for you though. Could you raise this worry in your group?

There's a technique from Dialectic Behavioural Therapy that might help called "surfing" - when the intrusive thought comes up, instead of letting that wave crash over you or sweep you away, try to surf over it until it passes.

Well, to address your immediate anxiety, your baby is going to come out looking like a baby. Snuggley and lovely.

I'm assuming by now you've had checks and scans and there is nothing to suggest your baby has any kind of severe condition that would make them look anything other than a typical newborn. I might know the photo you've seen, and in that case, they did know in advance, it was not a surprise whatsoever.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time.

Can you try and shift focus away from your pregnancy a bit? Not that it's easy to do with a seven month bump, but in little ways. It's wonderful that you've managed to keep breastfeeding so long, that's a great accomplishment. Not eating or sleeping must make it harder on you, perhaps taking some little steps, have a piece of toast here, nibble at what your older dcs are eating, think of your energy you're keeping up.

The day I brought dd2 from hospital my neighbours put an enormous plastic realistic tarantula on their shed roof.

I was holding the baby when I looked out of the upstairs window and saw it. I nearly dropped her and I associated her body with that spider.

I couldn't feed her in the dark. It's your hormones and the tiredness I suppose that does it.

In my head I knew it wasn't real. And I knew my baby wasn't a spider. So I used that knowledge to try and get myself out of it.

I did that by imagining them being made in a factory (in Spain bizarrely) I imagined the people coming to work and getting out their cars, setting the machines up, mixing and pouring the black plastic. The conveyer belts with the black plastic spiders moving along towards the man who spayed the orange markings on. Normalising it I suppose. The workers with their ordinary jobs and lives. Talking about who was late and what was on TV.

Obviously my knowledge of Spanish plastic tarantula factories is made up in my head but it worked for me. I was too ashamed to tell anyone as it seemed so silly and how could anyone possibly understand. This is the first time I have ever told anyone.

I told my dh casually that the spider had given me a bit of a fright and he mentioned it to the neighbour and they took it down.

It seems ridiculous now. But it wasn't then.

Thanks so much everyone.

The surfing technique sounds like it might be worth a try so thanks for that. And I might try something similar to Zort did. I can't stop thinking about it anyway so I might as well focus on changing what I'm thinking.

I couldn't mention it in my group I don't think as I feel too ashamed and disgusted but I will try and approach GP.

Maybe I'll mention it briefly to hubby as well.

Would you be able to afford to pay for one of those 4D scans? That should reassure you and help you bond with your baby.

I had a lot of help from community mental health nurse when I had severe PND. One of the most useful things she told me was "No matter how horrible it is, these are just your thoughts. They are just thoughts. They are not reality". Focusing on that helped. When I got really overwhelmed with obsessive thoughts she said to imagine I was in a forest with a bear. A bear won't hurt you if you stay very still and it can't see you. I had to make my brain stay very still and quiet, and not think about/feed the images. It's a bit hard to explain but it worked. I always found it really difficult "just not to think about x", but imagining X was an actual thing (a bear) which had to be avoided helped me have a focus. A focus to not focus on. Hmmm.

Thanks again everyone. Have scan booked for tomorrow although am slightly worried I'm just feeding my anxiety.

I'm really trying to separate thoughts from reality, it's just so hard when the worry is all consuming :(

Have just started on Fluoxetine, so fingers crossed it helps a bit.