PND- scary irrational thoughts

[Violetlilyflower15]

Hi I'm very nervous about posting on here I have bad PND and anxiety my son is nearly 9 months old and is a very good baby I got diagnosed around 1 month after giving birth and I am on the 4th lot of tablets and I have also started counselling 2 weeks ago. When he was a few months old I would get horrible scary thoughts about him being hurt or raped and more recently these thoughts have turned into the thought of me doing it I also get a thought that I'm going to loose control and walk out on my son and partner or something silly! I would never dream of hurting him and these thoughts are really disturbing and upsetting me! I am scared to tell anyone about these most recent thoughts! Please help

Ok, the first thing is that you've sought help - that is a massive step to take and you've done well to get that far. I had awful PND too and it took a while for me to feel better on my medication. It sounds like you haven't quite got the right prescription for you yet - it takes a while to get the right balance.
The most important thing is to go back to your GP. They want to help. Tell them what you've been thinking and feeling. It is difficult but you'll need to do that in order to get the right help you need.
Can you ring the Samaritans or a friend tonight? Do you have a DH/DP that you can talk to?

What you're having is known as intrusive thoughts, and they're quite common with anxiety/PND.

Please go back to your GP and tell them this is happening. You aren't going mad and you won't hurt your baby. Once you have the right treatment they will go away. Promise.

Well done getting help and for continuing your treatment. This shows you care about yourself and your DS. Please do talk to your doctor or counsellor about this new symptom.

Intrusive, unpleasant thoughts can be a form of OCD, referred to as 'pure O'. This is because there is limited or no physical compulsive behaviour manifested, all the disorder is carried out in the mind. This is not to say it is not just as upsetting - in some ways worse as you generally trust your mind so believe the thoughts have meaning and importance. But they don't, they are just weird thoughts, that, rather than just letting them go or ignoring them, you start to notice more and more until you think or fear they are somehow telling the truth about what you 'really' are. There are recognised types of thought fears, eg that you are 'really' a violent person, or a deviant, or a child abuser.

OCDUK site

Wikipedia

What it doesn't mean is that these thoughts are in any way true. It might mean your treatment needs to be adjusted to help deal with obsessional thoughts. Also a good book is 'overcoming obsessive thoughts' by David Clark.

Try to to relax and know you are not your thoughts.

Also you might want to ask for this to be moved as you've posted in live webchats somehow!

All the best

I have PND, as yet untreated and am having similar thoughts ie what if I sexually abuse my baby, whst if I loose it and smother my children with a pillow, slit my wrists. Like you I have NO desire to do ANY of these things. The thoughts are SO awful and you do begin to wonder if they mean you have some dark inner self trying to come out. I had CBT this week (first session) and she helped me see that the very fact I am appalled/ terrified / repulsed means I wouldn't do these things ie a pardon hole/ child abuser would think these things but not feel the guilt/ fear we do. It's so tough. You are not alone though.

Pardon hole = paedophile-sorry!!!