Does this sound like PND?

[louloutheshamed]

I have ds1 aged 3 and ds2 4mo. While I was on mat leave with ds1 I was so happy, spent my days meeting friends, out and about all day long, going to every baby group under the sun and having a lovely time.

Ds1 still goes to childcare 2 days a week and my mum helps me out one day a week. But the2 days that I have both of them I find really really hard, even more so now than when ds2 was brand new, perhaps because now I have the expectation that we should be achieving stuff during the day but in actual fact I still have to resort to tv for ds1 and spend most of my time shushing/bfeefing ds2.

I know it's better to get out but I just cannot summon the energy to get two plus all their stuff out of the house. I should have gone to a toddler group this afternoon but I didn't as it just seemed like such a monumental task. Ds1 asked to go to a cafe for lunch but he is a bolter and I just don't feel confident out with 2 of them on my own.

I Have never been especially house proud but the mess ATM is really getting to me and I feel annoyed and irritable.

Sometimes when ds2 is niggly and ds1 is asking me to read him a story/ build a train track/take him to the toliet etc I just want to scream and run away.

But I only feel like this 2 days a week so it can't be pnd can it?! I'm obviously just crap at looking after 2 kids.

I just find it such an endless slog of drugery ATM.

I had quite a traumatic birth experience with ds2, emcs after a ante partum heamhorrage after a complicated last few weeks of pregnancy when they couldn't decide if I had a low placenta or not. I send a lot of time debating in my head if I could ever have another child or not which I know is silly as ds2 only 4m, but it's something that's playing on my mind.

My skin is terrible ATM with outbreaks on my chin and eczema flaring up.

And of course I'm exhausted...

Bump?

No one?

Hi op. I have a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old. I feel exactly the same as you when I'm on my own with them. Sometimes when they are both being a pain and want something at the same time, I just feel like I can't cope anymore and want to run away screaming too.

Do you get any time to yourself?

Hi Loulou - I could have written that post a few weeks ago. DS1 has just turned 2 and DS2 is 5m. I don't have family around here, DH works full time, and my friends from DS1 are all back at work during the week. I was spending most of my time alone in the house with the kids with no motivation, not making it to groups etc as we always seemed to be late and then DS would just have a paddy when we got there.

In the last few weeks I've been trying to get out every single day, even if it's just to the shops. Do you have a park near you? I find it much easier to head there than the play groups as I can take my time getting the boys ready and I'm not rushing to be on time. It makes it so much less stressful!

Oh and I totally get the not wanting to go out thing. It's just so much effort, it doesn't seem worth it.

Meant to say that it's really helped - I usually leave it until a bit later in the day when I'm starting to get frustrated with DS1, then I find I'm better able to cope when we get home...

Muppet is right. Going out everyday DOES help. You just need to get into the habit of it and really make an effort. I know thats easier said than done when you're feeling like this. Once you get out of the habit of going out every day, it's hard to get back into.

I only went out once this week, I need to follow my own advice as I found this week particularly stressful.

Sounds like you're knackered. And hard on yourself.

How do you feel the other days of the week? I had PND with DD1 and to be honest, every day was much the same. Your sentance 'crap at looking after two children' (which I'm sure isn't true!) rang familiar with me, it's what I said to myself every day, that clearly I was a crap mum.

And the truth is, we are all going to have crap phases. It doesn't make us crap mums, especially as you're feeling guilty and wanting to do more. My GP and HV were excellent with me, and I'll never forget what my GP said to me - 'Sometimes, good enough, is good enough' You clearly want what's best for your children, to have them socialised and happy. And you will get there.

Why not start small? Go to toddlers, stay even just for an hour, then go home and put the TV on. You might still feel guilty, but at least your DS has been out. Then the next day stay for the duration of toddlers, then TV. Build it up gradually so the guilt is less but the expectation isn't overwhelming.

When I had PND my house was a tip, I used to hide in my bed and read an entire book every day because the fantasy land was more bearable than real life. Poor DH had to come in from work, take over with DD and do all the housework. One day he just asked me to do the breakfast dishes, that was all. I wasn't expected to do anything else that day. When he left for work I got upset, how dare he ask me to do that when I was so ill. But I did it, and honestly the weight of guilt lifting off me knowing I'd done that tiny task made me feel like I could achieve a little more every day. I still hid in my room, still read like a mad person, but slowly slowly started to do more with DD, and more in the house.

There are no hard and fast rules to this. You've clearly had a hard time of it and I think you need to cut yourself some slack. Do things with them that you want to do, as long as you're interacting with them they're usually quite happy. I could run away screaming everytime DD wants to get the paints out. I hate doing painting with them. So I colour instead. We each have a colouring book and we talk about what we're doing, she's happy and I'm marginally less inclined to want to bash my head against the wall with boredom.

Having the second is hard in its own way - I thought, like you that the first few weeks were going to be the hardest, but actually the last few months have been worse. Are you getting enough time to yourself? Sometimes just leaving the house without them for an hour refreshes me. Sometimes I need more than that. How do you feel about seeing friends/going for coffee without your DC? Would you look forward to it or would you feel like it's too much hassle? Because your answer may be very telling as to whether you may have PND or not.

I apologise for the long and rambling nature of my post! I know it takes courage to admit their might be something wrong, and since PND is an issue close to my heart I didn't want to see your post unanswered! However, having just had surgery on my spine, I'm still a little hazy with painkillers so apologies if some of it is rambling!

X-posts, it's clearly taken me ages to write out my essay!

How are you op? Do you have a DP around at the weekends? X

Thank you for the replies.

Weekends are easier as my dh is around and he is amazing.

I know I must make the effort to get out! That's my plan for this week.

Good luck this week. Have two almost exactly the same age - dd1 is nearly three and dd2 four months - and your post rang every bell with me. I force myself out but sometimes it's excruciating. I'm fed up, I'm bored - and I'm angry and upset with myself that I feel like this when really I should be thanking my lucky stars I have two beautiful happy children. You've had a tough time by the sound of it - go easy on yourself...