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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

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Original poster

I want to enjoy motherhood but I just have no confidence

7 replies

BouncyBabe98 · 10/12/2013 11:17

Basically the above post pretty much explains how I am feeling at the moment. Sorry if this seems ungrateful. My little boy is usually a good baby but...
I hate mixing with other mums
I hate going to play groups
I pretty much hate my life right not (I have a 4 month old)
People keep telling me to go out and do things but honestly I do and I just wish I didn't feel the need to have to.

I had quite a difficult upbringing myself, emotionally distance and overworked mother, depressive father and sister..

I suffer from depression/anxiety and have done since I was a teenager. I seek treatment from a counselor and am on paroxetine.

I just want to know that I am not a freak/am normal for basically being a bit grumpy about the whole 'motherhood experience'. I feel so guilty/ashamed when the other mothers talk about the wonderful experiences and how much in love they are with their babies. It makes me not want to go to groups as I feel i would just drag people down and am very ashamed of the way I feel/don't feel towards my baby.

I will always look after him but keep wondering is that it. I am just so not into mother hood at all.

Please someone tell me I am not an awful person for feeling this way?!

OP posts:

SugarandSpice126 · 10/12/2013 15:11

You're not an awful person. Being the mother of a four month old is hard work. Have you thought about PND? Would you be able to talk to your GP/HV about these feelings?

I know it must be really difficult to admit these feelings when everyone around you seems to be doing fine with their babies. I think hardly anyone finds parenting a breeze, and plenty struggle without letting anyone see on the outside.

Do you have a partner? Do you have breaks from looking after your DS and times to relax and do things for yourself?

You're not an awful person at all, you just need some more support

Original poster

BouncyBabe98 · 10/12/2013 15:37

Hi - I probably do have PND/anxiety but I had this even before I was pregnant. I don't really get many breaks. I have a husband, he is wonderful but works long hours so he doesn't get much of a break either! I live in London and don't have many friends here, esp with kids. planning to move soon to be nearer DH family so hopefully things will get better then

OP posts:

Mattissy · 10/12/2013 15:41

I loved my babies but I'm just not a baby person and didn't really enjoy the experience. Babyhood was a necessary inconvenience to get to the more interesting children. Pretty antisocial too, after 46 years I accept this about myself and don't stress it anymore.

StormyBrid · 10/12/2013 15:46

My experience of mothering a four month old made me realise just how boring small babies are. There wasn't really that much to enjoy at that stage. As they get bigger you get a lot more back from them. Hang in there. It wasn't until my daughter was a few months older that I could really enjoy being her mother.

ThurlHoHoHow · 10/12/2013 15:49

You're not an awful person. I promise you that you are not.

Firstly, I think it would be worth talking to your GP to see if there is anything they can do to help if this is PND.

I agree that so, so many women put on a front and say it's all amazing when in actual fact they are struggling a lot of the time.

I never particularly liked the baby stage. My DP was working ridiculous hours and it was incredibly hard to be alone all day every day with a small baby. It's only now that she's nearly 2 and we can sort of do things together that I feel I am getting better at this. I could never sit and stare at her and coo how amazing she was. I used to MN while she just lay on the floor under a play arch for ages

You don't have to go to playgroups or mix with other mums if you don't want to. Yes, it does get recommended a lot but if they aren't making you happy or at least feel a bit socialised then you don't need to go to them. There's nothing wrong about not going to them.

There is no law that says you have to be good and enjoy every part of parenting, and every stage of your child's development. A lot of people with hindsight will acknowledge that they just weren't very good at the baby stage. It's difficult when you are in the middle of that stage though.

Is there anything you do enjoy at the moment - walks, taking the baby around the shops etc?

Well done for posting about this. Someone with much more practical experience will come along with some good suggestions, but I just wanted to post.

Sencho · 28/12/2013 22:20

Hi, I think it is a really good thing to be brave enough to say you are not wowed by motherhood. I'm currently pregnant AND I am a primary school teacher so I sit through and am surrounded at work by baby talk and baby lives and I always think I must be odd because it all seems a bit boring to me. And that is coming from someone who loves to work with children as her job! The thought of baby groups and meets already fills me with dread - I think I'd rather do anything but that. However despite not being overly maternal I am told I am a great teacher and good with children so I'm hoping when it is my own, despite boredom of some aspects, I'll actually do ok at the 'motherhood' thing. It sounds to me as though you are doing great and that maybe it is ok to simply accept that some people love talking about how many spoonfuls of pureed baby rice little Harry ate. And some do not. Best wishes to you and thank you for being honest (PS those mothers who gush about the motherhood experience are usually those at the school gates at 9:30am still moaning about someone elses child whilst being blind to the spolit actions of their little monster they 'lovingly' brought into the world).

nibbysmum · 09/02/2014 10:03

I understand where you are coming from somewhat. I also have a 4 month old who really bowls me over but I'm also struggling with the boredom of just being a mum. I never have been a child person or one who coos over babies. I find mum and baby groups pretty boring and a competition of whose baby sleeps through and is therfore a 'good' baby tbh. My days have never been so long and there are times when I want to get up and leisurely do things. I also struggle with confidence..I have no Trust in my decisions with my son and always feel I'm doing things wrong. I have very little support and recently have found myself resenting my mum and sister for not seeing me more often. I adore my mum and she loves my son but she's not a full on grandma and is happy to see us for a couple of hours per week. I wish she was full on just so I could have support and atupidly I'm angry with her. Of course this post isn't about me but I wanted you to know yournot alone in feeling a bit underwhelmed. I'd never be without my baby but I find myself wishing for milestones like crawling/sitting up/sleeping through!!

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