antenatal depression, can anyone advise?
apprenticemamma · 01/10/2013 19:53
Think I've got antenatal depression, 18 weeks pg. Advice & handholding would be appreciated.
I work ironically in mental health have a v demanding role and feeling overwhelmed with work stress. I've had some difficult family dynamics crop up before I got pg. One sibling is pretty toxic and I don't speak to her nor do my parents. My other sister I was close to has betrayed my family hugely, financially in that she put our family flat (in her name as she was oldest, bought when a student, intended as an investment for our future) on the market without telling us. The implication appears to be that she intends to give us if anything a small cut. The hurt betrayal and anger I have felt has been enormous. I have attempted to address it but received an abusive text and she has cut me out of her life along with mum. I continue to feel hurt and betrayal. The sisters found out I was pg but it's not their business. I keep thinking why are we having dc 2 if this is my sibling experience?
At home things have been tense since got pg. Planned but from the minute I got bfp had second thoughts. Occasionally dh says 'You wanted this. .but you're not coping". I'm taking it out on him and all probs within relationship have been magnified . We r in counselling and it's tough. I feel guilty at getting so angry towards him. and there is only so much misery he can take .
Work been v v stressful and I'm personalizing a lot of stuff. I presented a case discussion today and colleagues were objectively pretty critical. It left me feeling incompetent and humiliated more than ever
I feel incompetent as a mother , wife, sister daughter and friend too. ds aged 2.6 feel neglecting his emotional needs he's picking up on my emotional vibes.
I feel v ambivalent towards baby. Trying to feign excitement. Nothing inside. Tears constantly.
I'm thinking of getting signed off for a few days putting ds in nursery, sleeping and looking after myself. Should I?
And...homeopathy vs antidepressants?
If anyone takes the trouble to read, thank you.
hamncheese · 02/10/2013 15:16
Hey apprentice hand holding from me. feeling close to some form of antenatal depression here too. Have been in bed for three weeks with crippling ms and not seeing my one year old who's been shipped off to any able and willing family member. Today he cried when I tried to hug him and won't let me feed him or put him down now, it hurt so much. I feel so angry towards my new baby that they are making me lose DS. I keep on saying that I don't think this baby will be as nice as DS and I doubt I could love them like I love him. I think I know deep down that its not true and I hope the cloud will lift when I'm no longer ill.
Anyway, your brave going and getting help. Have you been given the option of counselling? I saw a counsellor after DS was born. They were good. The gp and HV have always been dire. Gp told me I was making up the term postnatal anxiety, and I was just sleep deprived. So little trust in any of them. The counselling on the other hand was much more helpful and cared about how I felt not just fobbing me off.
Hope that you feel better soon.
AndHarry · 02/10/2013 18:11
I was 32 weeks when I was signed off. Another friend was signed off from 8 weeks, first with hyperemesis and then with AND. If you get signed off for pregnancy-related illness it doesn't appear on any future references re. time off and can't be a reason to discipline you so don't worry about anything like that.
It was my first baby. During my second pregnancy I started feeling anxious and fraught, which was how AND started the first time, and that's when I started doing the hypnotherapy CD. I also started maternity leave at 30 weeks second time round and used the time while DS was at nursery to go swimming, listen to the CD, go out for walks, do baby shopping, sort out the house... As I had a toddler to look after I spent a lot of time outside anyway and it really did help.
ScottishDiblet · 02/10/2013 19:20
Sorry about the gp. But so glad you got referred and seen by a consultant who was more helpful. I hope the amitryptiline works for you - it did wonders for me, as I say. Do be aware that it makes you sooo sleepy so I would take it at night and warn your partner that you might be hard to wake. I think you are tremendously brave to tackle this head on and you are 100% doing the right thing. I truly hope that it won't be long before you can enjoy life a lot more and particularly enjoy the pregnancy and look forward to meeting your baby. By the way my daughter had no come down or side effects from the medication and I was able to breast feed even while fairly heavily medicated post-birth. Please do stay in touch and let me know if I can help at all. X
apprenticemamma · 02/10/2013 19:28
ham ...mutual handholding hon. I'm sorry to hear you're bedridden too ms is awful . Have similar issues with toddler behaviour atm ds is picking up on crying and arguments although I try and shield it from him and I know exactly what u mean about feeling resentful of new dc for causing all this. I feel the same but I think admitting this is a good first step. As u wisely said counselling can be so helpful. We are in couples counselling at the moment its hard but helping with relationship and that will help my mood enormously but I might see her for further individual work as being pregnancy has made a lot of family issues magnified. I have just made a huge cottage pie total comfort food and may have a small glass of wine with it some tv and
I'm feeling better right now but if I think too much about the work situation get pretty stressed and tearful. I'm also wondering if I'm being a drama queen . Maybe I just need to toughen up. ..
apprenticemamma · 02/10/2013 19:31
harry thanks for advice re work situation. I'm going to give myself a little longer then planned e.g. give weeks.
Scottish appreciate your advice. I'm a bit nervous about anti depressants. I'm wondering if I should discuss it but hold off for a couple more weeks?
Waferthinmint · 02/10/2013 19:37
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
sparklingsea · 02/10/2013 20:06
I struggled with anti natal depression with my first. I was also in the medical profession so recognised what it was before I was ready to accept it. It was a horrible time but started anti depressants at around 27 weeks which definitely helped and felt more together by the time of the birth. After the birth I was astonished at how different I felt, as if someone had flicked a switch and I felt like me again, Am sure it was very hormone related in my case. You are not alone and you will get through this.
ScottishDiblet · 02/10/2013 21:04
Oh yes of course don't rush in to the anti-d's if you are worried. I am a bit evangelical aren't i?! Don't want you to be bounced into anything! I knew they worked for me because i had taken then in the past (not amitryptiline but another non-pregnancy friendly one called escitalopram). It's not hard for me because I'm very pro anti-d's because I know they work but I know it is a big leap to take medication in pregnancy. But please DO NOT put it off for too long if you feel that you need to take them because they can help pull you out of this. Truly my dr quoted me lots of research about it being 100% safe and my daughter is perfectly happy and healthy (and such an angel) and, best of all, I am able to enjoy and love her. Sending hugs x
apprenticemamma · 02/10/2013 22:12
hi Scottish and sea I'm an anti ds virgin so am nervous. I get moments where I feel completely fine and think maybe I don't need them, maybe just a break. .. but the crushingly black moods r tough.
sea working in the nhs is such a stressful environment and have huge admiration for medics who endure vast amounts of stress. My friends an spr and signed off with stress & dep for a month so she just told me tonight. How r u these days and how old is ur little one?
sparklingsea · 03/10/2013 09:54
My little one is nearly ten!! I don't tend to lurk on these threads as it brings back horrid memories but somehow your op struck a cord with me. I went on to have a second child which after the first pregnancy horror never thought I would put myself through again, but I did some years later and didn't suffer with the AND again.
These days I am really good but for the last few years have been back on anti depressants to help with what became shocking pmt, My cycle speeded up to every 19 to 20 days so half my life was being spent in a bonkers pmt induced state, hormones again! I am a big advocate of anti depressants in the right circumstances, they have helped me enormously but was really reluctant at first to take whilst pregnant. I was on sertraline at that time but like I say 10 years ago so not sure what the current drug of choice is these days. You are in my thoughts.
apprenticemamma · 03/10/2013 12:41
just spoke to boss...she was amazing. Helped me get perspective on my perceived fuck up which I know isn't really a fuck up at all. Also v supportive re whatever they can do to support me at work. I feel so relieved. I'm not even embarrassed about crying down the phone bc at least she can see how awful things have got. Waiting for toddler to stop screaming and sleep then I'll be doing the same.
apprenticemamma · 04/10/2013 22:06
hey Scottish I cancelled the gp. I've been feeling a little better and I want to review things in two weeks re the antidepressants. Just such a huge step to take and wondering if the situational stressors might ease e.g. boss being more supportive, more selfmanagement &counselling might help first. Feeling more positive anyway ..
apprenticemamma · 11/10/2013 16:49
hi girls. Thanks for asking. Doing much better! It's like the minute I started to open up and get support felt enormous relief and things improved. Dh and I are getting along better. I'm practicing mindfulness meditation and forcing myself to socialise. I haven't started amitriptyline yet, seeing Dr next week. An unbroken nights sleep would really help so hopefully that will help. romantic weekend away this weekend and scan next Friday so the next week is looking Good. Still feeling in denial/not connected to bump I hope this scan helps. Can't thank you all enough.
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