in depths of despair feel like i can't pull myself together

[surprise11871]

Hi i have a beautiful little boy who is 14 weeks old. Up until the last few weeks i felt i knew what i was doing regarding my son. My relationship on the other hand is in pieces my partner has left and came back 7 times now which i handled very well managed to establish bedtime routine etc. However the last few weeks i just feel like i don't know what im doing regarding my son, im worried i won't put enough clothes on him or I'll put too much. We are having problems with the heating and i have become that worried that if i open the living room door it will get too cold as heating won't kick in and i won't have dressed him properly or if the heating does decide to kick in he'll then have too many layers on. I don't feel like i have the ability to know when to turn heating on and off so wanted a thermostat to take the control out of my hands but it still won't work correctly. All i have done is cry for 2 weeks and i am living looking at a grow egg to know its the correct temp which is driving me insane. I am sleeping on my parents sofa as i dread taking my son home it sends me into a panic attack . Sorry for such a long post i suppose im just looking for advice and success stories who have gone to the depths and came out the other side. I just want to be able to get bk to knowing what i am doing and trust my instincts again please help thank you

You sound like you need to speak to someone for reassurance. Maybe a health visitor? I had a chart pinned to the wall with the temp and how many layers the baby should have and what to do if the temperature changed during the night...

Try not to worry too much. I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job, but that period after birth can be really stressful with the new responsibilities of a new real person to look after. The relationship with your partner is probably making things worse.

I remember writing a really panicky email to one of those free helplines asking how I could establish a bedtime routine when DD's feeding had no routine to it whatsoever....

It does all get better, but don't bottle it up. Speak to someone who can reassure you.

It will get better, I promise.

X

Thank you for your reply i have spoken to the health visitor and gp who has prescribed tablets. However i just feel like this won't help as it won't fix the heating and i would like to not have to look at the gro egg thermometer all day because my life is being ruled by it because the heating won't kick in when its supposed to. I seem to be alright regarding bedtime because he is in grobag and if it drops low which our house does get down to 11 degrees i blast a heater in room while i give him his night feed and u put an extra blanket on him. My obsession and worry is that i can't seem to get the house warm and i don't seem to trust my instincts anymore. I just want to feel like me again. I do agree that my relationship problems have contributed to this as he hasn't been very helpful at home regarding my son or emotional support for me. Thank you again even just putting it in writing and talking to some1 who isn't fed up of my worry n crying makes me feel a bit better thank you x

I mean this kindly but you seem to be driving yourself demented obsessing about the heating. I have been there (not about heating but the demented-ness) and now am perfectly capable and not obsessive, promise.

I think you need to a) get a heating engineer or whatever to fix the problem if at all possible. b) Use your finger and stick it down the babies neck and collarbone area, don't go on how their hands feel as they have rubbish circulation. Remember too hot is worse than too cold. c) Go back to gp and ask for counselling to help you deal with your obsessive thoughts and how you are going to deal with your relationship problems.

Babies do change all the time and throw you off guard. Sometimes you will make mistakes so don't fret too much, you are not superhuman.

Your right i am driving myself demented over the heating, but i can't seem to stop and knowing im being irrational is making me feel worse as i can't seem to stop or no how. Then i get upset as other ppl have it worse off than me. there is nothing i can do regarding heating as i live in a private rented accommodation with no insulation aswel and because the heating comes on the landlord says it works even tho it shuts off after an hour in morning when it is only 18 degrees then shuts off for an hour by which time it has dropped very low before it kicks in for only 15 mins and it does that for about 3 hours then won't come bk on i feel like im going insane as no1 believes me it isn't working and thank you for suggestion re feeling baby i do do that i feel his belly with the back of my hand my worry is that when i open door to the cold kitchen and go about washing and cleaning like i was before he will get too cold because wiv heating on it only gets to 18 then goes off by which time it drops dramatically. Please tell me i will get over this obsession and worry about the thermometer i am driving myself mental looking at it i want it gone but feel like i can't function without it. sorry to hear you have gone through the demented Ness too but glad you got over it and gives me hope i will too x

Please go to your gp. Counselling can help you stop feeling like this.

Or try these people familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-help-line