In need of an outside opinion

[HawkesBayMumma]

Hi, I am new to this and as I am once again feeling very down today I thought perhaps sending my situation 'out there' to you all might help rather than just my own thoughts and my husbands with trying to make sense of how I am feeling...
In a nutshell I am still (daughter nearly 3 years old) unsure if I struggle with post natal depression (can it even be called this when the birth was so long ago?). Anyway, various ppl have said to me over the last 3 years that they think I might have PND I ALWAYS deny this genuinely believing they are wrong. I might feel a bit down, cry too easily or more often than historically but I have SO much that I am happy about and to be happy over that I can't see how I could be depressed (surely that would be more of a persistent state of mind rather than one I can go in and out of??).

I do snap a lot at my daughter at times (when she is naughty, not randomly), but I can be short tempered, so whereas other people might say 'no' 10 times before they snap I would manage 4-5. I am frustrated a lot too and my bad temper is taken out on my husband too. In fact I feel a bit PMT like - when you hear the horrible words or tone coming out of your mouth but you can't help it almost.

I don't know. I am confused as to whether I have PND or not basically. I read on here the other day a link where someone said they want to tell everyone to F off and I thought that sounds like me, and that she would get annoyed with her baby when he wriggled on the change mat - whilst I don;t do that specific thing I can empathize with other seemingly innocent actions that my daughter can do that just make me wanna scream. She described these actions as PND though, and I would not - just normal parent trying not to lose her mind??!

Any thoughts?? All welcome!

You sound a bit like me, although my DS is 4.5yo. I spent the first three years of his life in an awful fog, very definitely not myself. It was only when I felt a bit better last year that I realised that it was probably PND. It has come back again now, and I'm dithering about seeing my GP.

My HV was so awful when I asked for help after my DS was born. Told me it was normal and sat there changing my Edinburgh test results. I'm loathe to make myself vulnerable again by approaching anyone for help. But I'm not sure I can get out of this on my own.

Sorry, no advice but didn't want you to feel alone.

Do you feel like you did (ish) before dd? Depression has highs aswell as lows. Sometimes you can feel like you haven't a care in the world the next day you don't see the point of life, obv that's an extreme example. What does your dh think? I do think when you become a mother you do change alot you worry about different things, stress more in general etc.

very interesting description of your feelings, sorry you are not in a happy place.

A friend of mine struggled with PND for years, the onset was her DD's 1st b'day and going back to work.
so yes, technically it can be that even 3 years after, especially if you feel it's been going on since she was born!

I think it's really hard to tell, but the main difference between having a bad temper/impatience/hopeless/guilty mix of feelings or true depression is how you are effected in your every day life IMO.

this friend of mine once spent an hour staring at her DD's shoes, trying to decide which one to put on her and was just simply unable to make a choice. she truly could not cope with simple things and needed medication after being diagnosed.

most of us will have days when we say: "I don't want to get out bed", or "I can't cope with this", " I had enough" - cue sobbing, screaming etc.

are we all depressed then?
or is it just that being a parent is bloody hard work?

the endless arguments about mundane things do my head in.
having to repeat the same things (eat your breakfast, brush your teeth, get stressed, stop winding each other up...) every effing morning as if they had selective amnesia overnight!
I really truly hate the morning school run. with a vengance.

I feel I can't ever start and finish things at my pace/on time, the house looks like the chaos fairy visited. (actually she lives here now)

I do feel lonely sometimes, but never bloody alone (quote Lynette from Desperate Housewives)
and yes I feel guilty and unhappy and sad and down and disorganized and forgetful and exhausted and hopeless and impatient and unkind and just the worst mother/wife/daughter/sister/friend.
did I mention fat?

but I then pick myself up and get on with things, not perfect, just good enough.

Am I depressed? I don't think so. Right next to all those negative feelings and behaviour I'm also able to forgive, love, laugh and feel happy.
I can be patient and friendly and helpful.
I create things. I get to school on time. I do all the things that are necessary and more, sometimes with a bit of help, but I do them.

Does that sound familiar?

Amazingmumof6 what a response (thank you to all responses but this was just incredible). That is exactly what I am like and you have made me feel much better. I feel I am more normal with bad days/moments rather than it's all terrible. I def identify with the last two paragraphs and this has cheered me right up. Also what a great quote from Lynette - that made me laugh out loud when I read that. IN the three years that dd has been here my husband has taken her out for a walk or whatever 3 times, that's once a year only it;s not cuz two of those times happened last week. I am literally NEVER alone and think I may go insane!!! When he hsa taken her after intially wandering around feeling a bit lost and aimless. I tell myself you are NOT doing stuff that you can do when she is here, which then results in in LOUD music being played and oh how my mood lifts! Should have been a sign that?! Thank you so so much for replying and making me laugh!

pinkyp-I didn't feel like this before dd but thinking about it I have always been a bit moody and susceptible to getting down. Dh thinks that I am fine, possibly with a tinge of PND but doesn't think it needs worrying about, he keeps an eye on me so to speak (makes me sound like a lunatic!). But good to know you can have up and down days. Thank you so much for replying.