justhayley · 25/03/2012 22:48
Hiya I'm 35 weeks and for the last few weeks have felt like I'm at breaking point.
I'm having my first baby and he is dearly wanted and already loved.
I'm worried Im showing signs of antenatal depression - but hoping my circumstances really are just stressful & would be getting anyone down - I'm honestly not sure if I'm blowing things out of proportion, or my life is just a bit crap right now.
For the last 3 weeks iv been easily irritated, exhausted beyond belief, really teary, stressed out, I'm struggling to make decisions or multi task (things I'm usually good at), & I feel totally guilty as I no stress in pregnancies has an impact on babies.
I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about how I'm feeling right now. The closest people to me all seem to be going through their own life crises and don't have the time to deal with me as well.
I think most of my stress us coming from work, I manage a small private business where 3 weeks ago my boss sacked the only 2 staff members we had - for good reason but awful timing. He also declared he can't afford to pay me maternity pay as the company is on the verge of going bust - I do the accounts so no this is true. So for the whole of march iv worked every shift 8-8 mon-fri & 10-2
Saturday. He's told me he can only pay x amount for all staff wages - the amount he's given is usually what I get on my own. If I get new staff their wages will basically be cutting into mine which I can't afford. I'm exhausted working so much but if I don't won't have any money & the business can't continue to run, someone's lively hood is in my hands & it's too much pressure.
I live over an hour away from work and because I'm exhausted iv been staying with my mum who is a 15 min walk.
She's not the calmest person ever & it's driving me insane being back at her house. I want to be at home but that would mean leaving the house at 7am and not getting back till 9.30pm!
My DP is in the Army - he started the week after we found out I was pregnant. Iv spent the pregnancy adjusting to him not being at home, we've been together 7 1/2 years, & I'm so unhappy seeing him one full weekend every 3-5 weeks & the odd Saturday night - sun afternoon when he can get away. I'm worried he won't have a bond with the baby because of the little time he's around which is really upsetting me, I'm also worried that me & him are loosing out closeness.
I don't feel like I can talk to him as much about my feelings - mainly cos of the limited time we get together. When he's home he's exhausted due to the nature of his work, and on the 4 hours we get to spend together on a Sunday we are either running about buying baby stiff or running about getting him new suits or stuff for work, we havnt had any quality relaxing just us time in ages - I miss it and him like crazy, he's been my rock & best friend for 8 years and I don't feel complete without him.
My pregnancy health wise has been straight forward, I feel guilty for feeling as down as I do when people are not as lucky as I am to be carrying a healthy baby.
How do I no if my crying etc everyday just is down to hormones, my situations,& exhaustion, or if I should be talking to my midwife about antenatal depression, or can that rise from circumstances?
Just feeling like I'm struggling to stay a float & am on the verge of breaking down totally :(
Thanks in advance for your help
OnlyWantsOneTwoAndThree · 25/03/2012 22:51
Go to your GP. Also, speak to your partner
Your boss can not expect you to continue in this manner.... Can you speak to him?
gigglewizz · 25/03/2012 22:54
Wow I am sending you a huge big virtual hug. You poor thing, that sounds like a list of issues most of us couldn't deal with if we shared them! If you do have tearfulness exhaustion etc there is definitely an external reason for it! You may be developing depression but please go and speak to your gp about it. Get booked off if you have to, get some family member you trust involved to help you and speak to your partner! I feel for you, hope you can get some respite soon. Sorry I don't have many answers for you!
justhayley · 26/03/2012 15:40
Thank you. Strangely today is the best iv felt in probably over a month I worked 8-10am then had a breathing & relaxation class which was lovely. Then lunch outside & now I'm sitting in the park - back to work 4-8, but I'm totally relaxed & actually feel good.
I dont think iv really realised how much iv been doing until today when iv had a moment to stop.
My situations have been really getting me down & iv felt as if I can't change them, but from today I'm making me & the baby a priority & am going to talk to my boss about reducing my hours even if that means loosing money, it's not as important as my health.
Thank u for your support - and hugs fingers crossed continue to feel like I do today.
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