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Antenatal/postnatal depression

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I don't know what to write or what I want

2 replies

KatSlater · 25/01/2012 09:08

DD2 is 2 weeks old. I had PND before, I'm recognising the signs. Last time I waited till 12 weeks before I saw someone, I know I have to do it sooner this time.

What makes it worse this time is DH. On the one hand he's terrified of me getting depressed again. On the other hand he's almost causing it. He's fine and supportive until his routine is affected. This morning for example I asked him to look after the girls while I had a shower as the health visitor is coming in a minute. I asked for 15 minutes. 10 minutes in he started to get angry and said I was wasting time (I was giving the bathroom a wipe round). This despite the fact that he'd been downstairs having a leisurely breakfast with the papers after his bath. He does this every morning.

It sounds like a silly argument but it descended within seconds into him telling me I obviously wasn't coping and that he was going to call SS to get dd2 taken away from me as I wasn't fit to look after her. He also involves DD1 (4), "don't take any notice of mummy, she's not well" etc.

I know I'm falling fast but I am still capable of looking after her, and DD1.

We had a similar, nasty argument on Sunday night which ended in me doing something I've done before, but not so badly. I scratched myself, my arm, quite deeply. He thinks it's the first time I've done it. It isn't, although I've never done it as badly. It's very noticeable now and I'm worried about seeing drs and hvs and what they'll think or do. Harder because I have to have regular blood pressure checks and it's my usual arm.

I know I'm rambling, I just had to get it out. Problem is, I feel this time like it's a problem with DH as well as me. He's fine and lovely except when it comes to a crisis, then he has a very strong sense of self preservation and refuses to take any responsibility for any of it. This morning's row was because of my mental state, not his selfishness apparently. For the first time I feel like I want to walk away. If I can't rely on him to be on my side at a time like this then he's not the husband I thought. He's like it every time but it's really hit me today. There are too many examples over the last fortnight to list with DD2 hanging off me but he's been so nasty that it's shocked me.

I don't know what to do next. Sorry, don't feel like anyone has to reply. I don't know why Im writing this.

OP posts:
bansku · 25/01/2012 10:29

It sounds that your DH has more serious problem than you... You at least know what is your problem and you are willing to get help. Your situation sounds quite stressful. Maybe it gets better after you get help. Is it possible to your DH to accompany you to gp's? Maybe then he could realize that you are ill and you need help.

About selfharming. I have over five year old scars on my arms. Let arm looks really bad, right one is better. I have always been able to give my right arm for blood tests etc. But they have always asked about the few scars I have on my right arm. The scars do look old and I am not selfharming anymore, but I have to always say I am not doing it anymore.

Imnotaslimjim · 25/01/2012 11:27

I have to be hones,t just from what you've written, it sounds like your DH is actually part of the problem

OK, you are recognising the signs and symptoms of PND and are seeking help, but since when did getting a bit of housework done while DD's are with dad wasting time?

Please don't hide the self-harming. Recognise it for what it is, frustration and anger that can't be vented. Admit to it, it isn't shameful, it is part of your illness and HCP's will help you

Your DH does need to give you more support though. Telling you that you aren't a fit mother, and even telling you DD1 that "mummy's not well" is not supporting you and you need to pull him up on it

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