Went for it this morning and before going have been feeling fine, tired but didn't expect anything less with haveing an 8 weeks old and 13 month old and a 4.5 year old.
When asked how I felt I said tired, then was asked if I felt low and I said opposite really, and burst into tears. I told her if I feel low I run around cleaning to snap out of it. Have had blood taken as I am on iron tablets for anaemia and this could be causing tiredness etc, so she wants to make sure my levels are rising and at what pace.
Anyway I failed to tell her as I felt it wasn't relevant, but I am thinking now it probably is.
I hate my body quite literally makes be heathe (sp) when I take my clothes off. I have started doing crunches and planks in the privacy of my bedroom. Tried to cut back on food, but am finding I am comfort eating which is making me hate myself even more.
I plan to return to the gym next week and I know I won't take it easy which of course I should having not been for so long, but I am not able to mentally tell myself to slow down when I am at the gym, this is the reason I stopped going when pregnant this time.
I did used to suffer from bulemia when I was 15, I am 32 now, and haven't had any problems since I was treated when I was 17. I hate my body in the same way I did then, but I think I am over thinking and comfort eating to try an tell myself mentally that this is different and won't end the same way.
My worry now isn't returning to being sick after food, it is over exercising because it does make me feel great during and afterwards, but my body isn't ready for high impact yet and I am scared I will do more harm than good. However being scared and being able to write this and sound like I am in control really isn't the same thing as being and I know as soon as I get in the gym I will ignore all those feelings and will overdo it and worst of all enjoy it.
I don't know what I am expecting on here but felt it was the best place to vent.
Hope this is ok.