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Antenatal/postnatal depression

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I don't know why I feel like this.

7 replies

CoraBear · 17/09/2011 22:31

Hi, I'm hoping this is the right place to post as I have read a lot of the posts on here and I identify with so much of what is written.

I had my son in April and I have a really great bond with him but I cannot bear it when other people pick him up, cuddle him, kiss him etc. It's only certain people I feel this with, specifically my boyfriends family.

When I see them hold him, especially my boyfriends Mum I have this ball of anger building in my stomach. I feel like I can't breathe. I want to tell them to put him down and get away from him, in fact I feel like screaming it at them. My hands feel shaky, my voice sounds strained when I talk, I just want them to get the hell away from him. It is such an intense feeling that it leaves me exhausted after they leave.

Before I fell pregnant I had a great relationship with my MIL, but she got very intense when I was pregnant. For example: we wrote a list of things we would need for the baby and she went out and bought everything on the list. Yes, this was an amazingly generous thing for her to do, but I've never been allowed to forget it. If I mention something about the baby bath, she will pipe up "Is that the bath I bought?". I must also add that we never asked her to buy these things.

I just feel so angry and frustrated and if I know that my boyfriends family is coming to visit I am so anxious for days before. I feel that I just want to run away with my son and lock the bedroom door, I don't want them to touch him. I feel so awful I cry in secret nearly every day.

I know that these aren't normal feelings, should I talk to a professional about this? I can't talk to my boyfriend or my family. I'm afraid this anger will never go away, I don't want to carry this around or have it affect my child.

OP posts:
Fiolondon · 18/09/2011 10:10

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Fiolondon · 18/09/2011 10:13

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CoraBear · 18/09/2011 15:59

Thanks for the replies. I'm definitely going to check out that book. I really don't think I can talk to my boyfriend, his family is... I actually can't even put in to words their oddness. They repress everything. If someone has a problem with someone else, they never address it and the situation builds and builds, it's awful. I come from a very straightforward family where if someone is annoying you, you discuss it / tell them to stop and then move on.

I have really been bottling things up. I was told through my boyfriends sister that MIL thinks my Mum has too much access to my son and that it's not fair. My Mum is dying of a terminal illness and as far as I'm concerned every day my Mum is feeling up to seeing my son I will bring him to see her. You can imagine that that comment drove me to the edge. It took me 2 months to tell my boyfriend this as I didn't know how to. He was shocked but never spoke to his Mum about it, which made me feel a bit crap.

There's no easy answer is there? I'm just glad that I'm not going mad. Thank you so much for the replies.

OP posts:
CoraBear · 18/09/2011 16:01

Oh, forgot to say my MIL calls my son her baby. She refers to him constantly as "my baby." Have started snapping at her that her "baby" is 34 and the baby she is holding is my baby.

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Fiolondon · 18/09/2011 20:17

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CoraBear · 19/09/2011 08:18

I ordered that book last night, it got amazing reviews so I can't wait to see if it can help me. Thanks a mill for the advice, maybe I should go and visit and then I am free to leave when we need to. She tends to stay all day if she visits here so at least I can go when I've had enough.

As for his sister, she knew the comment would hurt me. She has been very jealous since the baby arrived and was attention seeking and doing crazy things when I was pregnant so everyone would be worried about her. She is 26 btw.

I have told my MIL that I'm worried about my Mum and she seemed very concerned and nice about it. But then told everyone she had quit her job to help me mind the baby because she thought I was struggling- when in reality she took voluntary redundancy (and received a massive lump sum) so she could sit on her arse and watch Oprah. I only found out what she told everyone when one of my boyfriends friends broached the subject with me because he was wondering how I was doing!!!

Having read through these last few points I am really astonished at myself that I haven't had it out with her. I have given out to people over smaller things. I think I need to grow a spine and let her have it. I can't believe I have been letting all this fester and it has impacted on my relationship with my son.

Thank you so much for all the help Fiolondon, I think you have given me the perspective I needed.

OP posts:
Fiolondon · 19/09/2011 13:42

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