Baby nearly died on day 1 but is starting to hit me months later

[butterscotchfudge]

i posted this on different thread but only one answer. Not sure if this is right place either as don't think I have pnd. But any help appreciated.

My baby was born five months ago. On the first night she was fine one minute and the next minute started choking - the midwife happened to be nearby and hit the crash button and ran with her to the resusitation room, saying she had turned blue. I thought she was just being sick and hadn't even realised it was something serious. I sat on my bed for several minutes thinking she had died when I realised I could unhook my catheter and go and find her. I fully expected to be told she had died when I found her in a sideroom with midwives - her chest had been suctioned but she was fine.

I thought I had dealt with this and am just thankful to have a healthy baby who made it, especially as I have a friend with a seriously ill baby at the moment. Also she had health difficulties to begin with and an operation at 3 months old so I concetrated on that. Now she is five months old and happy, healthy and an absolute delight. Yet today, and admittedly we had a bad night last night and I am very tired today, I just started crying about it and feel dreadful. I don't think my dh, who was at home when it happened because he'd gone home for the night, gets how awful it was because by the time I told him the next morning he knew she was okay, whereas I had spent several minutes thinking she wasn't.

Any advice for working through this please?

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just wanted to say sorry you are feeling so traumatised. Dont have much practical advice but just wanted to say I went through a similar thing with my eldest who is now 7 and nearly died at the birth but, thankfully, was fine in the end with no after-effects. All I'd say is it hasnt been very long for you and I thik they offer birth counselling now which might be useful. I didnt talk to anyone and wish I did as it did cause a lot of issues for us.

At the end of the day though, it was ok, a close call. Try and focus on that and enjoy your baby (great advice, I know, not so easy to do) x

yes call the hospital or unit where you gave birth and ask for a de-brief

also speak to your gp, it sounds a bit like PTSD and you might benefit from counselling to help you to process

it's very common to get flashbacks - a form of ptsd.

mine wore off after about 5 or 6 years, if i'm honest, but i think i had been postponing dealing with it. i would suggest contacting someone like the birth trauma association, or ask your gp if there is a counsellor you can access.

better to talk it through now. it's probably just hitting you now because you are at a 'safe' moment, but aware because of your friend's child.

Yes me too only now have had third and final birth 5 or so years later that I feel it is put to bed as it were. I think it is probably better to strt addressing it now because it did colour subsequent pregnancies etc a lot ( and I can't watch one born every minute without screaming at the tv! )