Could this be part of postnatal depression?or just mil problems

[emilyw83]

I found out I have pnd about 2 months ago.my son is now 5 and a half months old and I started feeling this way when he was about 6 weeks old. I'm currently waiting for counciling as want to try to get over it without meds.since my son being about 6 weeks old I have had problems with my mil. We were always close and got on well.When my ds was born I opened up to her about finding it hard and she was brill really supportive then a few weeks later I spoke about it again and she changed towards me,she told me it was a good job I didn't have twins (I'm one of twins) and when I tried to explain I wanted to try and not hold my son as much so asking her to do the same just to make my life a little easier she told me you have babies to spoil them. I've really taken this to heart and haven't been the same with her since. I can't go to her for help and always go to my mum now who is wonderful, but now she says to my dh that I'm all my mum at the min and she feels pushed out. Could I be reacting this way cause of the depression?
She's always telling me what to do and goes on and on about things like the other day she asked if I'd put suncream on my ds son I said yes but then she asked me another 2 times! She never calls me mum or mummy in front of my son which makes me feel as though she doesn't accept me as his mum, she calls my dh daddy to him all the time. She never speaks to me about me or anything I've been up to just my ds,she makes me feel like a nanny. She makes light of things which she knows upset me, the other night my ds was awake 3 times in the night and we got next to no sleep she put on her high pitched voice and said to my ds laughing ' have you been keeping everyone up?' I said it's not really funny she said in the same voice he thinks it is!I think she knows she gets to me but just keeps doing it.she also knows I have pnd.
I just can't stand being around her anymore and all this is causing problems and fall outs with my dh, the fall outs really arent helping the way i feel and the depression.Could this be to do with the depression?
I know I should speak to her but I just can't I find it very hard to put things in to words and know that once something has been said I can't take it back,much like the comments she's made to me in the past.
Any advice please?sorry for the rant!
Thanks

Everything feels a million times worse when you have any form of depression. I suffered with my first (who is now 14 btw) and first thing that helped me was someone told me "it's ok to rant"

I felt very similar towards my husbands family, and put it down to PND, however after that was sorted - I did realise - I was right they were controlling manipulitive nightmares. It's just harder to deal with things, but it will get better. Things will become more focused in time, in the meantime take as much "calm time" with your DH, where no one else can input!

And as much distance as you can cope with in relations to MIL. And when you are stronger inside you will cope far better, chest out, chin up and smile :D

i don't wish to be unkind but I think you are over reacting a little. It is hard with a tiny baby especially with pnd but I think you are taking to heart comments that normally you would take as jokes. Laughing about being up a lot is par for the course. Sorry but I think you need to step back and stop over analysing.

Hi, PND can make you very sensitive about the people around you, often feeling the comments are being made on purpose to get at you. Depression by nature makes people self conscious and guilty about things you wouldn't normally feel guilty about. Certainly most people with pnd rarely laugh, even at the things they would have before. I sense you are internalising much of what your mil is saying.
The other side of this is that often people around you want to support you, but they don't understand depression, often they feel you just need to get over it, or go out more, if only it were that easy!
Being open and honest is always the best policy. Explain how this makes you feel. Try not to take the comments to heart, remember that it was many years ago that mil had a baby and apart from much of the advice has changed since then, so has mil memory of having a new baby!
Are you breastfeeding? If you are please ensure you are eating well, if you can't stomach big meals, snack regularly on fruit, etc... and start taking a pregnacare supplement with Omega3 in.
If you are not breastfeeding then take a multivitamin, B Vitamin Complex and Omega 3 Suppliment. This will take about 2 weeks for you to start to feel the benefits, but again, try and eat well.
You can download a leaflet from www.babyblues.nhs.uk/nutrition-hydration-sleep/ which explains how this will help.
Counselling will help, but in the meantime you can ask your Health Visitor to support you with 'listening visits'
Hope this helps?
S

Sounds like your MIL might just be trying to keep things cheery and lighthearted. Lots of people don't know how to deal with others with depression. Can you chat to her and say about calling you mummy? I'm sure she wants to help (nothing you mention sounds totally evil behaviour) and maybe doesn't realise how it makes you feel.

I know its hard but try and stay on good terms with your dh. You need to be a team to get through this. You need to listen and support each other. And give each other a break. Try and tell him positive things he can do to help you cope - practical, emotional, whatever are his strength.

I have a month old baby and feel the same. On the face of it MIL is a saint - they have spent thousands on our bub and clearly adore him (although I feel sometimes the comments made to this respect are a bit OTT). The rational side of me wants her to feel part of things and enjoy him but the irrational side has me rage internally everytime advice is given - unlike with my own mum whose advice I take on the chin. The other thing is the constant pressure to let her 'look after' DS. I feel it's a threat looming on the horizon - even though DS is BF and I won't be parting with him for a long time. I'm sure they must forget what it's like as I know she didn't let DH out of her sight for over a year.

Well that felt good to rant about!!!!! Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and I personally think these feelings towards MILs are entirely natural and not necessarily a sign of your PND. You only need to look at the AIBU board to see that!! Take care :) xx

Oh and I should add had a heart to heart with DH the other night and he feels the same way about my mum - and he's not suffering PND!

And at risk of seeming like a crazy ranter... I'm trying to imagine how it will feel to be the MIL when DS is grown up in an attempt to have more empathy. Perhaps that could help you?