Trigger warning *Sexual assault* - To be jealous and sad

I'm sorry for your trauma OP, you've been let down by the person who you should be able to rely on.

It's good you're getting counselling, I hope that this gives you the strength to leave your relationship. No one would be able to heal (if heal is the right word), when their abuser is welcomed by their partner into their lives.

The trauma is in your life everyday and that's a level of reminder that you cannot sustain.

I wish you strength and future peace and happiness.

You need to leave this marriage.

It is abysmal that your husband continued his relationship with his brother as if nothing had happened. And that his own wife stayed with him.

This sounds like a terribly unhealthy family environment.

Your BIL should be in jail for what he did. Not being enable by people close to you.

It also gives a terrible message to this man (that it is OK to abuse women because there are no consequences) and it might be that he has done this to other women and/or will do it again.

Really, you need to leave, get counselling and consider whether you want to report the creep to the police.

you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, @Bamboolampsandscandichairs
That’s such a common feeling for those who have been abused, but it can’t be stressed enough that this is not your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of x

OP, that’s awful in every sense.
I completely understand the feeling and fear that you won’t be believed and/or treated as if you were partially responsible, if not wholly responsible. That’s what happened to me when I reported an SA. My DH didn’t know how to deal with it when it happened and it had a massive impact on our relationship. Still does, but to a lesser extent.
The whole experience has nearly destroyed me.
I’m not going to advise reporting it because I know from bitter experience what can happen.
Best of luck with counselling as with your counsellor you can work towards making decisions about what you would like to do.

You poor poor woman.

You need to leave your husband and you need to consider the police.

This is really messed up and so unhealthy for you to remain in.

Your husband is a truly disgusting disgrace.

Totally unbelievable that he would support his brother.

I appreciate it is hard, but you will NEVER heal around these awful people.

Protect your precious mental health for your child.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I accidentally pressed YABU,this was meant to be YANBU
I hope you find peace xxx

You can’t forgive sexual abuse. To forgive involves putting yourself in someone’s shoes and understanding why they did what they did. There is no excuse for what he did.

Clearly for your own mental health you need BIL out of your life. You need to never see him, but not only that, you need to never hear his name spoken, or be made to think of him. Then you can begin to forget what happened to you. At the moment you are still stuck there in that moment unable to move on because BIL is in your life.

Where this leaves your DH I do not know and cannot tell you. Your counsellor maybe able to help you work out what to do. I would suggest that you ask DH to never mention his brother to you again, but not to insist that DH go no contact with his brother. But that’s just my opinion and I’m not sure it is right.

Your 'friend' has no understanding of the way different people experience and process sexual trauma. Please don't let her make you feel your reaction is wrong

Of course you went with them, they were coercing you too. It's damn hard to repost sexual assault with a family and husband that back you and help you,

It's not too late and it's never too late.

You need closure and this vile man needs to be punished.

I think that your marriage will probably fail, it's too big a thing to surmount.

But you'll live the rest of your life relatively peacefully without the horrors you feel now.

Good luck

Poor poor you.

IF you want to, you are WELL WITHIN your rights to leave.

You must get out of this appalling family. They all have so little regard for you. These are people who tolerate and excuse sexual abuse FGS! Utterly reprehensible.
You and your child deserve so much better.
I'm sorry you're going through this.

It is never too late to cut ties. My father sexually assaulted me when I was 16, it took me until my late 40’s to summon the strength to cut him out of my life.

don’t waste so many years trying to normalise any kind of relationship with you bil. I’d sit your DH down and tell him how you truly feel and if he cannot support you in the way you need it’s probably time to leave.

im so sorry this happened to you.

As a fellow people pleaser I completely understand how it was easier to not make a big deal about it particularly as it was BIL, and with the family being as they are.

However your gut is telling you otherwise and you are still feeling the effects of your husbands betrayal (even though outwardly you may appear to have brushed it off). You can ignore that.

I'm not sure I could ever forgive my DH and the only option would be to end the marriage.

Can't ignore that