Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

*Trigger warning* AIBU to think I need therapy?

10 replies

baddreamer1 · 12/02/2023 12:44

I'm not usually a fan of counselling. I've never found it helpful in the last & tend to work things through myself if with the help of peer support groups etc.

I've started to have really distressing dreams, if you were to unpack these dreams you could deduce that I still have some unprocessed trauma (even though it doesn't feel like it in waking hours), I'm very anxious (which is probably true, although I try to manage this myself and medications haven't helped with this in the past) - it just feels like my subconscious/dreaming mind is running riot!

Should I see some kind of therapist to try to work through these subconscious thoughts? If so, what kind should I see?

OP posts:
Keyansier · 12/02/2023 12:48

I'm not a qualified therapist but I personally wouldn't pay to talk to a therapist about dreams. Dreams are something your brain makes up when your body is unconscious, dreams aren't real, or mean anything important in reality. I wouldn't waste money trying to figure out the subconscious. But maybe you should question whether you need to finally address your real trauma head on.

Todaynotalways · 12/02/2023 12:48

I firmly believe everyone needs a therapist.

I see one weekly (privately), there's nothing 'wrong' per se, I've had some trauma, my upbringing was somewhat dysfunctional, I'm prone to anxiety... But there isn't a single specific reason I need therapy.

But I find it very useful to speak my mind, without worrying how it will impact my friends/family - without therapy I do a lot of 'coping' - dealing with things internally before I come to a conclusion and can share maybe 10% of my feelings in a 'safe' way with other people.

Original poster
baddreamer1 · 12/02/2023 12:57

I guess the problem is that I feel I've addressed my trauma, I'm at peace with what has happened, but these dreams are so vivid and distressing that I'm starting to question myself.

trigger warning

To give full context, a number of years ago I had babies who were stillborn. I've spent lots of time since talking to other bereaved parents, medical professionals who say there's no way I could have done anything to prevent it. I've spoken at training days to help people understand a bereaved parents feelings, perspective etc.

My recent dreams are about me having given birth to live babies, but then abandoning them (think leaving them in a house alone for days/weeks at a time), which resulted in them dying.

An amateur psychologist may think I've suddenly unconsciously started to blame myself for them being stillborn, but I really feel like I have processed and come to terms with it. But I wake up after these dreams feeling really distressed and anxious and would like to make them stop!

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 12/02/2023 13:03

Dreams are fascinating and give you a view into your unconscious mind. If you want to explore this further you need to see a psychoanalytic psychotherapist.
The manifest content is not the thing to focus on, the abandoned babies in the dream might be you. Or a neglected part of yourself. Or your relationship. Hard to comment without knowing more about you.

Keyansier · 12/02/2023 13:06

Nobody can conduct therapy on somebody's dreams. The only thing a therapist will tell you is that the dreams are a mechanism of your brain whilst you are unconscious, bringing to the forefront the memories of what your brain pushes to the background when you're alert. But if you're adamant that you've dealt with what happened fully then I don't know what you expect therapy would achieve.

Flowersintheattic57 · 12/02/2023 13:08

Therapy is helpful if you have the right therapist. Sometimes you have to give several a go before finding one that works for you. A good therapist will shine a light on areas that you might not think are important. They will help you reframe things so that they are easier to live with. If you have the right therapist then your daily anxiety should definitely lessen.
So sorry to read about your stillborns; so devastating. I have also had past trauma that I’ve had many flavours of therapy to deal with it, but here I am thinking it’s time for another round of therapy as I am consumed again.

mamabear715 · 12/02/2023 13:39

I find Dream Moods helpful -
www.dreammoods.com/

MatildaTheCat · 12/02/2023 13:45

I suffered (still do occasionally) from ghastly nightmares/ sleep paralysis following a traumatic episode. I was already seeing a therapist but while I did feel somewhat better the dreams persisted.

We moved on to EMDR and I improved very quickly. I only had about 3-4 sessions and the dreams became far less frequent.

Wishing you well, the absolute horror of waking in a cold sweat with a banging heart is horrible.

Diverging · 12/02/2023 13:50

Dreams are dreams. Anyone can have crazy dreams I don’t think it necessarily means you haven’t dealt with your trauma. What you’ve been through has had a massive impact on you so it’s not surprising it crops up in your dreams.

I doubt a therapist could now reveal more about you than you already seem to know so it’s more about support. Imo peer support and friendships are more useful to you. Having said that Eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing is a technique for trauma so that may still be worth exploring.

Original poster
baddreamer1 · 12/02/2023 15:33

Thanks all - I've heard good thinks about EMDR so that might be worth exploring

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page