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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think your emergency contact / next of kin should be listed as your wife?

53 replies

Hiccup7 · 26/04/2022 10:17

Conversation with me and DH before. I had to take him to hospital recently. He couldn't go himself as it was to do with an eye injuy so couldn't drive or see very well.

When we got to the desk they asked if his emergency contact should still stay as X name and he said yes.

X name is his ex and mother of his older DC (we have one child together).

I've said he should really change that to me! I'm his wife and need to be the one who knows first if there is an emergency surely?!

He thinks it's fine to have his kids mum as his emergency contact because she'd need to know so she can sort the children out.

AIBU to think really your wife or husband (your actual next of kin) should be listen as the emergency contact for things like hospitals not the separated parent of your older children (unless you were single I guess)?

Is it just me who would find this weird?

OP posts:
Itsvalentino · 26/04/2022 10:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/04/2022 10:22

That is strange... if he was single and might be with the children o could understand the logic. But not now he has remarried, and you can presumably care for his children and contact their mother if necessary?

Blueroses99 · 26/04/2022 10:23

It is weird. If she is sorting the children out in the event of an emergency, she’s not going to be able to discuss treatment or make medical decisions on behalf of your DH (and nor should she!), which is the actual point of next of kin.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 26/04/2022 10:23

Yes it is very wierd and I would not be happy about it.

God forbid it was a life or death situation wouldn't she have the final say?

As for his excuse that she would be able to sort the kids, I call bollocks.

All that would be needed is for you to contact her to arrange that.

Superhanz · 26/04/2022 10:23

Yanbu.

This is very odd. Your next of kin is your closest blood relative or your spouse, not your ex. And it's even weirder that he said she'd need to sort the kids out but you both have a child together 🤔.

Weird.

Blueroses99 · 26/04/2022 10:23

It is weird. If she is sorting the children out in the event of an emergency, she’s not going to be able to discuss treatment or make medical decisions on behalf of your DH (and nor should she!), which is the actual point of next of kin.

Superhanz · 26/04/2022 10:23

Yanbu.

This is very odd. Your next of kin is your closest blood relative or your spouse, not your ex. And it's even weirder that he said she'd need to sort the kids out but you both have a child together 🤔.

Weird.

Blueroses99 · 26/04/2022 10:23

It is weird. If she is sorting the children out in the event of an emergency, she’s not going to be able to discuss treatment or make medical decisions on behalf of your DH (and nor should she!), which is the actual point of next of kin.

Superhanz · 26/04/2022 10:23

Yanbu.

This is very odd. Your next of kin is your closest blood relative or your spouse, not your ex. And it's even weirder that he said she'd need to sort the kids out but you both have a child together 🤔.

Weird.

Superhanz · 26/04/2022 10:23

Yanbu.

This is very odd. Your next of kin is your closest blood relative or your spouse, not your ex. And it's even weirder that he said she'd need to sort the kids out but you both have a child together 🤔.

Weird.

Superhanz · 26/04/2022 10:23

Yanbu.

This is very odd. Your next of kin is your closest blood relative or your spouse, not your ex. And it's even weirder that he said she'd need to sort the kids out but you both have a child together 🤔.

Weird.

Superhanz · 26/04/2022 10:23

Yanbu.

This is very odd. Your next of kin is your closest blood relative or your spouse, not your ex. And it's even weirder that he said she'd need to sort the kids out but you both have a child together 🤔.

Weird.

Superhanz · 26/04/2022 10:23

Yanbu.

This is very odd. Your next of kin is your closest blood relative or your spouse, not your ex. And it's even weirder that he said she'd need to sort the kids out but you both have a child together 🤔.

Weird.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 26/04/2022 10:24

Yes it is very weird and I would not be happy about it.

God forbid it was a life or death situation wouldn't she have the final say?

As for his excuse that she would be able to sort the kids, I call bollocks.

All that would be needed is for you to contact her to arrange that.

girlmom21 · 26/04/2022 10:24

Does he understand the implications of choosing a next of kin?

Nowomenaroundeh · 26/04/2022 10:24

Yes I'd be highly disgruntled by this.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 26/04/2022 10:24

Yes it is very weird and I would not be happy about it.

God forbid it was a life or death situation wouldn't she have the final say?

As for his excuse that she would be able to sort the kids, I call bollocks.

All that would be needed is for you to contact her to arrange that.

Nowomenaroundeh · 26/04/2022 10:24

Yes I'd be high

Pollydonia · 26/04/2022 10:25

Nope, I'd find that very odd.

SausagePourHomme · 26/04/2022 10:26

You are right, it's weird. You are his NOK. it's who should rush to your side, not who logistically might need to know. Otherwise why not put his boss or something.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 26/04/2022 10:27

Apologies for the multiple posts, the MN server went haywire on me!

SausagePourHomme · 26/04/2022 10:27

You are right, it's weird. You are his NOK. it's who should rush to your side, not who logistically might need to know. Otherwise why not put his boss or something.

Surely he could trust you to let his ex know?

Original poster
Hiccup7 · 26/04/2022 10:28

girlmom21 · 26/04/2022 10:24

Does he understand the implications of choosing a next of kin?

I think this is what it came down to really.

He doesn't really get what it's for. He had her down since they were together and just never thought to change it because they have the kids so she'd need to know.

I don't think he thought about it in terms of what if someone needs to make a medical decision on his behalf!

And yes obviously I'd just tell her myself if something happened to him so she can sort DSC!

OP posts:
BlanketsBanned · 26/04/2022 10:30

Nok do not have the final say or make medical decisions on behalf of someone else, weird though to do this.

Lunaeclipse · 26/04/2022 10:33

If this was my husband, I think I would tell him to get his ex to arrange his lifts to hospital when he needs treatment.

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